Its a new year, you'd think you'd be faced with new challenges, new opportunities, new excitement....instead, I'm faced with the same old problems I'd hope would fade with each year I age.
Yes. The lousiest and most pathetic dilemma anyone can think of for someone at my age, in my position and with my background haunts me. Its expected and surprising at the same time.
I guess thats what happens when you try to run away from coming up with a solution. Problems are never solved by time.
Its a recurring theme, that wanting to get out of a box, feeling like you're finally about to....only to discover that there are some strings that are yet to be cut. But the question that haunts me over and over again is whether or not those are meant to be cut once and for all. If they are, when and at what point ? Sure, it might free me up...but will that nagging feeling of guilt and responsibility that I know is inevitable ever disappear?
If they're not, how do I balance me and them at the same time? Sometimes I feel like those two cannot and cannot co-exist. The only way I see it co-existing is if they give a little. Though what I think is little is actually not for them. Its an entire history of respect and roots and affiliation gone blown into completely unreasonable proportions.
I am speaking in tongues again. That tongue that refuses to call it by what it is. Aahh well. Like I said, the new year does not necessarily bring new things.
*happy* 2007.
