waiting for 2009

so I'm at home waiting for midnight...its shockingly quiet in Dublin, unlike back home where the noise builds up as it gets closer to midnight. I've spent New Year's Eve alone before, but even that time was far more exciting than now. I have not heard anything that closely resembles a firecracker, have not seen anything that looks like fireworks. I guess its just not an Irish thing.

So what's a girl to do on a quiet nice like this? Well, eat of course! I was hoping to wait til midnight...but the un-excitement (yes, there is no such word, I know) of it all has made me hungry. So off to the oven goes the chicken, and to the pans go the veggies and the couscous. The result...voila! A humble meal for one.


With an hour left til midnight and the threat of sleep looming at the back of my head, I decided to take a photo of the view from my balcony. I had earlier imagined that I'd be seeing fireworks, even if from a distance. But as the clocks draws nearer to 12, I'm becoming almost certain that it won't happen.

I'll try and post another update later, provided that there will be something worthy to post. In the meantime, Happy 2009 everyone!

those little things

the little joys...

It started with the handing over of the keys. It didn't matter that there were still men working on some parts of the apartment, hammering away. All I knew at that moment was that it was MY home. My first ever apartment at the (relatively) late age of 30. Independence in its truest form. I was literally jumping up and down minutes later from the excitement of it all.

Since then, it was one small thing after another: the blue plastic basket I bought to hold my cleaning materials, the little white jar to hold my kitchen utensils, the sets of tea towels for my kitchen, pillowcases, pillows, fitted sheets...its all the tiniest things that make me smile everytime I come home and unwrap them. Every single piece that I buy from my own pocket and place in my humble little flat is mine. And everytime I place them where I think they ought to go, I feel like I'm placing brick upon brick, building up a house.

This afternoon I made a quick trip to the city to excitedly buy a...wait for it...a Trash Bin! Oh yes, pretty cool huh? Argos has it at half price and I decided to buy it instead of the cheaper plastic alternative. I now have a metal bin with push-to-open door in matte black! Exciting times! heehee! I'm not being sarcastic by the way, I AM excited. Over a Trash bin! hahah!

...and the little frustrations

The flat has been far from perfect since I moved in. My living area heaters only started working last week, two weeks after I had reported them to my landlord. My kitchen sink had no hot water until last week as well, and I was locked out of my own living room because of a faulty door lock. My landlord's handyman had to come in on a Saturday and force it open with two or three shoves. It looked easier on television, for sure.

And then there's the issue of having too big furniture for too little space. I've moved them around four times in the three, almost four weeks, I've lived here. This morning, I started out by heating water for my coffee and ended up letting it get cold since I was moving the furniture around. I think I've found a better layout, for now. Of course that may change when I bring in more furniture.

And I need more furniture because I lack storage space. There are no shelves in my closet, none in the laundry area, none in the bathroom and nothing but the coffee table in the living room. These things I actually take with me when I sleep, and this morning, I was intent on maybe finding a different flat. Either that or spend for storage space. Right now, the addition of my trash bin together with the new layout has made me happy. I think I'll stay here 'til the end of next year.

Or at least until I grow frustrated again.

the move that stole christmas

Moving around a month before Christmas meant sacrificing the flight home for the holidays. I've psyched myself up enough so that I knew what to expect, but seeing people leave the office for their vacation one by one was disheartening. When the last person said goodbye and happy holidays, I wanted to kick myself for staying. If I had gone home, I would've spent my Christmas with the family at the new place.

Our family christmas tradition has always been simple...just food at midnight and some gifts, mostly for the kids. Nothing fancy, no big reunions outside our (not so) small circle. But the excitement of waiting for midnight just so you can eat what was laboured over just hours before is always memorable. Every year, there's one kid that is either asleep or half asleep at midnight. At one point, that kid was me. But of course, there are now five of them who can have that claim to fame. For a few years we even had the kids wear coordinating shirts and/or pajamas. And kids being kids, there were a few musical numbers which they prepared for themselves.

This year, I bought my own pajamas and slipper socks and comfort food, armed myself with broadband access and a webcam and decided that my Christmas would be spent sleeping, surfing and chatting.

So...in a way, I wasn't alone on Christmas. I rushed home from work on the 24th just in time for midnight back home and I was sort of with them at that time. The kids had coordinating striped shirts, they had easy-to-prepare food (its never a good idea to cook to much anyway) and this year, it was decided that gifts would be skipped. As expected, someone was asleep when the clock struck 12...and as expected, it was the youngest member of the family.

Just being online wasn't too bad actually, until everyone back home goes to bed. That's when I had to raid my borrowed DVD stash (I am now into Family Guy) and comfort food. It got so boring that I ended up cleaning my living area, dining area, kitchen and bathroom in two hours. By midnight, I was asleep.

I think its safe to say that this will be the last Christmas I will ever spend alone.

(It wasn't that bad, really. It just wasn't that exciting either).

Meal for one

Lemon jelly special and a latte.

(posted this originally from my mobile..didn't realize I had to rotate it haha! but anyway, just to remind myself of phone blogging do's and dont's, I'm keeping this the wrong way up -- or right side, er, to the side )

phone blog!

Trying out blogger frm phone

here i am.

Oh how time flies...

It seems like it was only yesterday when I was putting together a weeklong beach vacation, and now, here I am, bundled up in 5 layers of clothing in a country without snow, but could just very well have snow with all this chill in the air. To top it off, I'm 24 hours away from spending my first night in my first ever apartment. Yes, MY APARTMENT. Which I will be paying for. Which I will be furnishing. Not to mention cleaning.

Oh how time flies indeed. Living on my own used to be a difficult goal to achieve. Now its the only way to go. Somehow I feel embarassed...like I'm growing up so late in life. But then again, it isn't uncommon for those in situations similar to mine anyway.

In less than a month, it will be Christmas. And this will be my first Christmas away from home, away from family and on my own. Contrary to what people may think, the thought doesn't depress me. Its sad, sure. I'll miss the family and our simple Christmas traditions. But at the same time, I've always clamored for some alone time...and alone on Christmas is as 'alone' as it can get...

That makes me think though...maybe this whole trip, instead of taking me out of whatever shell I was in, is actually sucking me in deeper? I've been wanting to move into my own place and wanting to settle in so I can curl up and watch cable all day. I've been repeatedly saying that I wanted to go to places where I can just 'kick back' and avoid the crowds because I have no strength to exert effort and meet people.

I guess in a few weeks I'll find myself feeling differently. That's just how it is, after all. Things change and they keep changing.

moving again.

If things go well, I'll be moving in to my new home today.
If they don't...I'm homeless starting today.

holiday lights

grafton street lights, originally uploaded by socs.

Dublin's City Centre is lit with christmas lights as with previous years. I read somewhere that its also supposed to encourage people to shop, shop, shop and help with the recession.

The spirit is willing...but on other accounts, I am weak.

Photos of this year's christmas tree on O'Connell are posted on my flickr.

Dublin Spire

Dublin Spire, originally uploaded by socs.

Taken November 2, 2008 less than 24 hours after my plane landed. The spire is Dublin's major architectural piece and landmark. Read more about it here.

how do you like it here?

Do you like Dublin?

I've been asked this so many times in the three weeks that I've been here. To be honest, I don't quite know yet. And to be honest, does it even matter? I'm here for as long as I decide that I want to leave...does it matter if I like it or not? Even if I didn't, its not as if I would pack my bags and go back home. That's simply not an option in the short term.

In the next week I'm hoping that things will continue to fall into place, they way they have been in the past days. Slowly, I'm starting to really feel like I'm here for the long haul. However, long that may be. Slowly, I'm starting to make plans --- normal plans --- like what type of bath and laundry products to buy, what type of food to stock up on in order to cook whatever type of food. Slow...but progress still.

lost

I've been telling some people I feel lost lately. By that I don't mean "not knowing where I am". In fact, since I got here, I generally know where I am and where I'm supposed to be headed.

I just haven't been feeling like I know this is where I should be. I don't feel it. Yet. I don't sense that the place has opened its arms to me and welcomed me. I guess because I'm too far from where the "real city" is most of the time.

I hope that its only because I've only been here a week. It should get better when things are normal. It should get better when I can finally stock up on house items that I know I won't have to move out a few weeks later.

permanency is...

the existence of three very bad photographs that will stay on record forever.

On Day 80

After 79 days, day 80 was surprisingly less stressful for me. I've packed my suitcase and decided which of my things stay and which can come with me, I've prepared all paperwork that I need to ensure I can leave and I've scrounged up what little "goods" I can to make sure I'll be okay. Day 80 was it. If I have forgotten anything, there was nothing else I could do but try and make up for it later on. The idea was somewhat liberating.

Though my flight didn't leave until before noon, I was up at 4am. Barely two hours of sleep following a night spent trying to simultaneously pack and spend some last few hours with the girls. I wanted to be in the airport even before the 2-hour period from which they open check-in counters and also even before the recommended 3-hour period. Why? Because I travel that way. I would rather wait at the gate than wait in line while boarding time nears. So, since I wanted to be early and my family wanted to spend some last minute hangout time with me, we decided to have an early breakfast (hence waking up at 4am) after which, they would go their own way and Allan would drive me to the airport.

A procession of three cars --- my sister's , my parent's and Allan's --- headed off to McDonald's. Having a family with 5 kids meant we couldn't fit in one car. Having a family with 5 kids also meant more than one hugging and saying goodbye over and over again. We were a funny sight before I left...I had four kids repeatedly hugging and saying goodbye and 5 adults looking on. Funny but definitely heartwarming.

We were at the airport early, but decided to wait for some friends who were on the same flight. After days of stress leading to this day, I had to let go....and I didn't. Every minute I was not yet checking in when I should've been checking in, I was worried I wouldnt get an aisle seat, I was worried I'd have to run past Immigration and security check because I'd be pressed for time, I was wondering if I had extra stops because I had to have my POEA papers checked. As it turned out, all my worrying was for nothing. I didn't get an aisle seat not becuase I checked in late, but because the airline personnel made a mistake and gave me a seat one seat away from my friend. I didnt have extra stops for the POEA papers since they didn't even ask for it (imagine, all that effort and they won't even look at it??!?!?).

All in all, once I sat on the plane, all I was worried about was whether the in flight movies would be good. Even the trip itself was anti climactic...no drama, no delays, no stories. I guess after all the preparation, someone up there decided I need a break.....at least before the new set of "Things to do" has been assembled.

last day (counting up: days 76 to 79)

My last day with the Manila office is today. I've gone through the clearance process and, as my entry title suggests, I've gone through 79 days (and more) of stressful relocation preparation. I've also sent out my "goodbye" email to (almost) everyone at work. It was brief and didn't really say much. What I really wanted to say would have to end up in my real blog one of these days (yes, reserved for those who know how to find my real blog :p).

Its 630 in the evening and I should head home. Tomorrow is day 80, D-Day...I have a flight at noon and I will be re-packing my stuff later tonight to make sure I don't leave anything behind.

Yet..I'm still here. Because there are things that STILL need to be done.

And next week, I'll be working for the new project.

And this christmas, I'll be working still.

Just thinking about it wears me out.

everybody loves Bear

Ally and Carl have a taken a fascination with my camera, Bear. They borrow it every now and then and takes photos of anything and everything...

some shots they took ...
photo of Ally by Carl
photo of Carl by Ally
and photo of Ally's shoes and shoes by Ally.

hello,Manila

court + ruins, originally uploaded by socs.

I went back to Intramuros last week for Bear's (that's my Camera, by the way) first photo trip to Manila and among the photos I took, this one is among my favorites. I dont think I've ever taken one like this before....

My first photo shoot in Intramuros was for an HP magazine, my first ever published work. Sort of.

Manila, Manila...I'll keep coming back to Manila.

Tagaytay with the girls

the view from their patio, originally uploaded by socs.

One of the weekends prior to departure Saturday was spent with the girls and our plus ones.

Eat, drink, sleep and be merry.
I will miss these girls.

cleaning out my closet (counting up: days 66 to 75)

Its been a week-long (and more!) effort to sort out every single item that I own. I dug out years and years worth of letters, writings, souvenir whatnots and travel (side) effects in order to come up with three distinctive separations: Leave Behind and Keep, Lug Along ang Use, Leave Behind and Sort (Possibly Giveaway).

I am close to completing two luggages and one box that will be shipped to where I am heading eventually, but I am nowhere near organized when it comes to memorabilia and thingama-keeps. I've thrown out a lot of things I have not thrown out because I was convinced I can organize them but I still have two big boxes.

Plus my books will have to find a new home in either my brother's or my sister's house.

Funny how it will take a little over a week to decide how much of your 30 years of existence stays and how much of it goes.

counting up: day 65

I have all three papers with me.
I've also sent out that one paper thats been waiting.
It's done.

From this point on, its just waiting for the day.

counting up: days 62 to 64

Day 63: I sent a follow-up to Legal for the final requirements for Document 3 which I have been wiating for. They finally replied that they are ready to sign it and they should be sending it over that day. In my timezone, it would mean, that evening.

Day 64: I checked my email and found nothing. I checked the fax machine and found something. Its here! This means that tomorrow, I will once more trek back to the where the lines are long and the process is crap. Hello OFW TV, I'm ready for brainwashing yet again.

admu bonfire 2008

Photos from the Ateneo bonfire from weeks ago. Please visit my flickr site for more.

counting up: days 51 to 61

Day 55: As Part 3 of Document 3's retrieval process, I am required to undergo a Medical exam. I've chosen the accredited clinic near my place because of accessibility, however, at the back of my head I was still apprehensive and was thinking of mosquito-laden and unhygienic scenarios. In general, I had nothing to fear...except for two things: their Dentist's office which looked a lot like a Mad Scientist's lair, and a bored Med Tech who didnt seem happy with that she works in some small clinic.

At the Dentist's chair, I closed my eyes against the rust-surrounded lamp that highlighted my open mouth and prayed that the Dentist bothered to at least wash the those instruments he's using to analyze my teeth. I was just coming in after another patient, and I didn't want to think that we were sharing not just the same Dentist's chair but maybe the same instruments as well. If I could've gargled using antibacterial solution immediately after, I would have. As long as it wasn't something he found in his lab.

At the blood extraction lab, she didnt even bother to look close enough at my arm to ensure that she was sticking that needle in correctly. She placed a torniquet, asked me to clench my fist and then continued chatting with the other guy in the room. Next thing I know, she was sticking in the needle down my arm. I've had blood extracted before, and this was the first time it really hurt.

However, the ordeal does not end there. I was asked to return to give back some specimen samples (I hate that in medical exams) and to come back without contact lenses. I told them I was nearsighted and if I can barely read the medium sized letters, I wont be able to read any of the other ones without contacts either. Did they listen? No. They insisted I come back blind.

That afternoon, I notified those who will book for me that I would like a flight on Nov 1 please.

Day 56: My spectacled self returns to the clinic where, as promised, I told them I couldnt read the letters without anything. They take down notes and ask me to leave. Yes, I told you I was blind yesterday, didnt I? Results would be ready by that same afternoon, I was told.

Flight-booking-group tells me they will inform me once flight has been booked. As a safety precaution, I tell them I'm waiting for papers from the company's legal department, and though I dont anticipate any delays, I wanted to let them know in case I ask for rebooking. No, they say, tell us when you're ready and then we'll book.

Day 57: I come back to pick up my results. Fit to work...of course. What else would it say?

Day 58: The paperwork I need is still with Legal. I wonder when I'll get this and if I'll get it back soon enough...I have "The Letter" waiting to be sent out. However, I think I must wait until I'm sure I can leave before I make it final.

Day 59: On the lighter and not headache-inducing side of things, I have my first Despedida with Allan's friends. I'm glad to be in the company of the same people who've adopted me and took me with them to Palawan even in Allan's absence. As is the norm, Steaks and Salad were the pick of the night. One despedida down, I have probably a handful more to go....

counting up: days 38 til 50

Its extremely difficult to post updates when so many things have been going on. However, for those who have been asking how things are going, I must keep this updated, so that I don't leave anyone out of the loop...

Day 43: I find out that document 2 has been approved and can be picked up. It seems that from this point on, it will be a short count-up to D Day (Departure Day)

Day 47: I head to Makati early to drop off my passport on the designated time window...I have to return 6 hours later to pick it up with the document and with the others that I've submitted. Two trips to Makati in one day? It wouldn't have hurt if it werent in a so-near-yet-so-far location. My cab trips were longer than the actual time I was there. EACH cab trip was longer than the COMBINED timeframe I was in that office.

Day 48: Since I have document 2, its time to find out exactly what getting document 3 would entail. And find out I did. AFTER 6 HOURS ++ OF WAITING!!!!! To this day, I haven't gotten over the extremely inefficient process in place. I will blog about this some other day.

Day 50: I return as part 2 of The Document 3 Retrieval Process. On my estimate, I will need to return once more after today. But before I do, I have to go through all that they want me to go through, and I have to complete all the forms they want me to complete. For this day, its a 2++-hour pointless seminar where I did not learn anything I did not already know: Travelling information, and that they were going to ask me to pay an enormous amount. Multiply that enormous amount by the hundreds of people who flock to that office DAILY and what do you get? In my opinion, still TOO MUCH cash for the kind of service they provide.

At this point, I seriously have to keep reminding myself why I'm even going through this.

live fire part 2

Headed back to MCS for another round of real guns. More photos posted on my flickr gallery (click on photo to view).

squeeze, originally uploaded by socs.

pisay homecoming

pisay berde, originally uploaded by socs.

a handful of long overdue photos from Pisay's Homecoming held last September 6.

Quezon City Circle

It was a Saturday, my chores were all done and I didn't want to waste a perfectly good late afternoon, so I decided to hop on to a jeep with my camera to take photos at the nearest place I could think of.

Sometimes all a girl needs is a walk in the park.

grill, originally uploaded by socs.

counting up: days 30 til 37

I missed several days, I know. But its all because progress has been taking place.

On day 33, document 1 arrived, but I was not here to receive it. It had to wait for me until day 34. On day 35, I've set the submission date for document 2 requirements for day 36.

So day 37 is actually day 1 of waiting for document 2.

accessory to a crime

To regular folks, a "despedida" party would consist of food, drinks, going-away presents and the company of friends. But, if you throw in my boyfriend and his "war" friends and you've got yourself a despedida turned into a scheme worthy of crime TV.

The objective was to acquire and subdue the target and deliver him in one piece (preferably, I think) to the venue. All sorts of plans have been hatched, including staging a looting of his house, grabbing him off the street in the middle of a routine jog and utilizing any means -- physically or chemically --- to subdue him. The idea was that he'd be out somehow someway, allowing transport to the venue. In the end, the final plan involved a note, a briefcase, radio, rubik's cube, chocolate bar, bottle of water, LED light,calculator and the trunk of a car. His car.

I won't go into detail as this is their story to tell. I will say that I had orignally planned to just be a witness, I never thought I'd end up participating.

counting up: day 28 and 29

I'm starting to get bored with seeing "counting up" on every single blog entry. But hey, I started it, I have to stick with it.

So...I still havent received the papers I need to proceed. And like all the other times when I receive some significant update on the process, I am both scared and excited by the news. The day draws nearer and nearer..and I feel so much more unprepared each time.

like christmas

I was informed today that I should expect another gift from a friend...I already know what the gift is, I just have to wait a bit until I can use it...and its something that will come in very handy to what Allan already gave me.

Wow. All these gifts are overwhelming...everything I've received so far are things that I really really really want. Thank you!! :)

counting up: day 27

Document 1 is released today. It will soon be in transit and then I can proceed to acquiring Document 2.

I'm also trying to determine if I need Document 3, no thanks to those who should know these things.

At this rate, I'll probably count up to day 60.

counting up: day 26

I found an old entry of lists of places I wanted to go / things I wanted to do. This was written more than a year ago and I was delightfully surprised that I can now cross out 6 items on that list. So, here's the updated list:

BATANES!
sagada / banawe
palawan
wallclimbing
dive(sort of)
driving school
camsur
donsol
cambodia
egypt
greece
london
bumalik sa paris
mag shopping to the max (budget budget budget!)
corregidor
mt. pinatubo
taal volcano

counting up: days 23 til 25

Day 23 was actually my 30th birthday.
Contrary to what I had envisioned last year, I did not plan for any party. I originally wanted to celebrate moving out of my 20s and into my 30s with something more memorable than just spending the day at work like any normal day. In the end, I didn't think it was sensible to spend for it, so I skipped work that day and decided that I would watch WALL-E (which I haven't seen yet) with Allan. Nothing extraordinary right? Until I found out what he got me for my birthday.

To those who sent me messages via YM, text, email, friendster/facebook/multiply comments....Thank you! I apologize for not responding...I was in shock the entire day (a good sort of shock, of course) I couldn't concentrate on responding :)

The rest of the weekend was spent like any other weekend. At home, taking care of the kids. Tried a bit of their Guitar Hero the one time it cooperated and worked. I suck there, big time.

On Sunday, we went back to MCS for live fire again...while I wont say that I suck there as well, I have little improvement from the last time. I want to be better at it, but at the same time, I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself. I thought I'd be a fast learner with guns, that all. I don't know where I got that idea, but I had hoped it was true.

milestone

Be forewarned: Long entry ahead...

Many moons ago, I picked up the old film SLR I didnt realize we had at home and started shooting with friends. Eventually, an SLR was on the list of my “Things to bring to work on a daily basis”, along with my wallet, cellphone and kikay kit.

When people I met in photography forums started talking about digital photography, I dreamed of owning my own DSLR someday. In the meantime, I concentrated on Aperture, Shutter and Composition. I never felt that I would go into Photography as a career primarily because unlike those around me, I never felt that the talent came naturally. It was something that I had to work hard on in order to achieve results. I argued that I was already working hard on programming skills for my day job, I think getting into another profession where I have to exert a lot of effort on 24/7 would drive me crazy. One at a time only please, one at a time.

So photography was the fun, creative learning part, whereas work was the more serious, learning part. Doing both eventually proved beneficial, as I finally bought my very own digital SLR, Buddy in 2004.

And then I started to really get older. By that I mean, I started getting more responsibilities at home. So Buddy never got any new playmates, save for a basic flash and a 28-105 lens, both secondhand. Ultra-wides were top of my “want” list, but I just couldnt get them...so again, I concentrated on taking my kit 300D and secondhand gear to wherever work took me and took as many photos as I can, however I can, the best that I can.

While all of this was happening, entry-level digital SLRs started popping out left and right, and I feared that Buddy would eventually go obsolete. I made the decision to sell Buddy, partly because I needed the finances, partly because I wanted to make sure that he still had value when I sell him and partly because I wanted to do something drastic to force me to upgrade. So Buddy went along with the kit lens and flash. And since then, I’ve never owned a camera.

Up until my 30^th birthday.

Its the single most expensive gift anyone (parents excluded) has ever given me. That, plus the fact that it IS the single most relevant gift that anyone can ever give me. I’ve never been able to replace Buddy because of so many reasons, yet I’ve always, always, always wanted to get myself a new DSLR. For the longest time, I would go to places and attend events and I would always feel that one thing was missing....my DSLR. In the year and a half without a camera, I fear I’ve lost the little talent I’ve worked so hard to acquire and I’ve always been fearful at the back of my mind that I no longer have a creative and fun bone in my body. Photography was my fun, creative, adventurous side. Without a camera, I am just your plain working girl. 9-to-5-or-so job on weekdays (and usually beyond) and Tita-turned-mommy-turned-household-help on weekends.

Now that I have this still unnamed new toy in my life, I can start re-learning photography again, I have reason to start exploring places that can be captured in photos, and I can re-learn how to see things differently again. I'd be starting from scratch, but I dont really mind. At least I'm starting from somewhere.

Thank you. You've turned my birthday into the milestone it really should be. With every photo I take, I will always be reminded of how much thought (and cash!) you've put into getting me this gift.

counting up: days 17 to 22

happy thoughts:

taking Ally to the salon to have her haircut. she's been asking me to take her for weeks now, but I was away for a while and couldn't. if she had access to my calendar, she would've marked september 7 in big bold red letters. but she didnt have to, I took her last sunday. so now she has her bangs and she looks nice with them.

IDOL fever!! it was a great event, a live gig..something I havent been to in...years! (I think). at the same time though, its a bit sad that he's leaving the group. just in time though, I have the signed CD I promised carl haha! oh and we may be neighbors in the future too. to my fellow groupies, eat your heart out hahaha!

the happiest thought of them all so far: a decision has been made. i hope its the best choice...i do know that its best for us both :)

counting up: days 15 to 16

I will be honest, I feel betrayed.
After all these years, loyalty can be set aside just like that. On one hand, it can be argued that it isn't being ignored...there were just other choices to make.

But in the end, I feel like I have been discarded.
Just like that.
And I can't just shake this off that easily.

Everyone's just waiting to throw you away.
Everyone's just waiting for you to move on. I'm taking up valuable space it seems.

wondrous revelation

it still feels the same

counting up: day 14

I think today they should be submitting the papers to those who really should have them...and I still dont know when the process will end....I'm still apprehensive about that time when the process does end anyway, so I guess I shouldnt complain.

In the meantime, a reminder of lovely beach days when there's nothing to worry about...



More lomo photos of the vacation days in allan's gallery.

counting up: day 13

Today is back to work day, official end of vacation. I dont think I did too bad....I was pretty much productive all day.

Got a sneak peek at my possible (and maybe "hopefully") future digs today. looks promising. its one exciting thing to look forward to.

On the downside, a few sad things heard today. I guess this is just how life flows...what must happen will.

counting up: days 10 to 12

Returning home has a completely different meaning for me. I won't emphasize...I know what I want to say anyway.

Days 10 til 12 proved that juggling is definitely an act for the skilled. Patience and perseverance, not to mention physical strength, is required. When every single piece that you're trying to juggle is important to you, how can you afford to drop even a single one?

On Day 11: Live fire! The fear of holding an honest to goodness gun was intense, at least for me. But the same fear made sure I had my wits about me. For a first-timer, I'd like to think I did okay...but personally, I think I could've been braver. I was not prepared mentally, nor did I think that holding a pistol required me to be. In the end, the fear was there...but I understand the exhiliration...for me, it was the thrill of holding on and not backing down, and trying to squeeze the trigger even when I knew that it was a lethal move when done carelessly.

I wish I did better. Next time I will.

counting up: days 5 to 9

Vacation got in the way in a good way...and my count-ups were disrupted. Some things I've learned (both new and not so) in the days missed:

• Its never easy to just hang by the beach with just stuff you can leave on the beach when you go for a swim. A camera is always a must, especially for vacations.
• Two new Jonah's shakes faves: 1. Mango and Banana 2. Avocado and Banana.
• Brown is beautiful so please, don't sell me your MET.
  
• No matter how long your vacation may be, its never long enough.
• I like lobster better than crab.
  

counting up: day 4

someone had a little too much last night, so most of today was spent wandering about the island...by myself for the most part. when he was normal again we soaked up some sun and took in some shakes and talked about what it would be like in the future and how we would deal. in the end, everything is still full of ??s.

i know someday we'll look back and wonder why we were having a hard time deciding and what we were deciding. for the time being, i only have my count-ups.

counting up: day 3

Today was braid day. A local kid approached me and asked if I wanted one. Since I couldnt emulate how my new 'do looked on the day I got it, I said yes to braids.

After my siesta though, some braids are gone. Well, if its a choice between sleeping or keeping my braids, I'll choose sleep :D

counting up: day 2

today is officially vacation day 1.
the order of the day is to get myself to the vacation place and get some much wanted R&R.
highlight of the day, the new Terminal 3! Woohoo! Finally, a world class airport terminal we can be proud ot.



second highlight of the day: the resort we went too had separate fees for transport etc. so in the spirit of pagtitipid we didnt go for the package. after all, madali lang mataong. but lo and behlod, as soon as we stepped out of the terminal, there was my name! We had welcome seasheell leis and company who took care of lining up, paying for stuff from the hotel. Really nice.

counting up: day 1

I realized that there's no point in doing a countdown, when I dont know the date I am counting down to. Therefore, I've decided to "count up" to THE day.

Time off from work today since I still have loads leftover.
What to do? Get a haircut!!! I was disappointed with the drastic cut I had last June when I chopped off over a years length of locks to a boring mid-length ho-hum bob . Since then I've been dying to have a 'do do-over. I finally got around to it, and I'm lovin' the results...I am so not sorry I decided to chop off my hair. I've said it once, I'll say it again....I've always been happier with short hair.

my hair when properly blow-dried

old black and white

I found some old photos of the kids, before Sam was born. These were taken either 2003 or 2004 during our Holy Week Bisita Iglesia using my film camera.

View Album

about time

r.e.s.p.e.c.t.

here's what it means to me:
it means that after all these years, some things do not change.
those who had little respect for other people's time in the past still do not have it up to now. i can rant
about it all i want, directly to the person concerned. but really, its old. if my past pleas fell on deaf ears,
it will continue to do so. so i wont. and i wont hope that next time i'll get the respect i've
been asking for. i'll know what to expect and in expecting less, i'll be less disappointed.

if only you weren't such a dear friend, it wouldnt matter that much.
but you are, so this hurts.
BUT if you dont want to learn, then i dont want to teach.

standstill
on a happier note, allan and i went with verchie and JM and his japanese guests to Corregidor island
last sunday. here is one place that has been preserved beautifully...everything from World War II still stands. at least those that still can. the remains of barracks destroyed by war so long ago,
still remain in their skeletal glory, reminding everyone that once upon a time, courageous
heroes fought each other for what they believed in. who was wrong or right doesnt even matter.
the only thing that's important when their stories are heard is that they were brave and valiant
and did not let their fellowmen down.

the island itself is beautiful...facing the always wonderful waters that surround this country.
but it will never be a resort town, and i agree that it should never be. very few places in the philippines
are as preserved, untouched and well respected as this island. i hope more people will
visit corregidor and realize that we should be respecting our past and our natural habitat more.

running out.
there's very little left.
soon, things will change drastically...andi find myself just going with the flow like i always do.
i'm not ready but i have no choice but to be ready. for the first time,
i'm trying to look ahead and plan ahead...but its not easy when there are so many
other things to consider. "bahala na" just wont cut it this time.
and yet time's up, almost.
so now i dont know what to do.

de ja vu

from this to this:

topeng's new baby, Rockley


I still want one! :(

this just in...

i have received word to expect it to be formalized soon...in roughly 48 hours.
from there it will be a slow and steady process until it is finally completed.

i've been waiting for this consciously for 2 and a half years and longer subconsciously, I suppose. and each time it moves forward and it draws closer, my knees shake a little and my heart pounds a little bit faster.

i need a moment to focus and remember that this is for the better.
that I need this.

i need to remind myself that it can be done
that I can do this on my own.

think positive.

Everytime I think of my blog entries, I always make a mental note to keep things positive next time. And everytime I blog out of the blue (the best way to blog, in my opinion), I usually end up forgetting that mental note and write not-so-happy entries.

So...before I even started writing down this new entry, that mental note magically made its presence felt like a post it in the middle of my laptop screen (or like a knot on the finger thats cutting off circulation). Therefore, I now have this to say:

What I'm looking forward to this weekend:

1. greater possibility of catching reruns of the cheesy shows I watch on cable
2. .....
3. ....
4. ...
5. ..
6. .

...the original list I had "pre-revision" was definitely longer.

all i hear is static

Its hard enough getting things across, but add noise and time difference to that and all you end up with is frustration.

I am going Green from now on.

I hitched a ride home early today because my colds were acting up and my throat was starting to feel sore and dry again. In a last minute decision, I opted to get a Green Tea fix at Kozui near my house.

Lo and behold...a curious check to see if I get a neighboring establishment's wifi signal has led me to discover that they have wifi here. And for free!

I have found a new haven where I can get feel good Tea and great salad AND free wifi.

I am healed.

starstruck moment

When I grow up, I want to be like these women.....
in photo are the women from the Pinay Everest Team with Arian and myself.



photo courtesy of Jonathan Tiambeng

bring out the pom poms!

As part of the previously mentioned attempt to go incognito, I actually wrote and published this in another blog on June 20. I'm bringing it back here where it belongs:

all the hype surrounding who’s going or staying, who’s asking for what, when and where has completely overshadowed the fact that sometimes, if we want to be happy, all we have to do is to actually BE happy.what I did in yesterday’s event has successfully accomplished what I had hoped it would: rekindle that belief in me that that spirit is still here. it has just taken a different form and flavor.

I wont lie and say that things are back to how they were for me way back when…but I will say, that it was refreshing to be in the company of those who still feel how I used to feel.

I only wish that other people can take a few moments to recognize that some people are still enthusiastic and maybe feel good about it. even just briefly.

I was in it for the dance…and yet afterwards, I found myself bringing home those shiny pompoms, remembering the moves and the cheers and smiling to myself.

GO WHITE TEAM! :D

going undercover

I've been making attempts to go incognito in the blogging world. I've even tried changing one previously-registered site's domain to something else so that it wont use my real name. But it all felt as fake as the pseudonyms and blog titles that I came up with. Nothing sounded like me, nor did it seem like a small portion of who I am. In the end, I decided to forget trying to hide, and to just stay here. I'm not a good victim for identity thieves and stalkers anyway. Besides, in the four years I've had this blog, its a little difficult to move away from all the history.

I am still trying to find a new title though. Its been a while since Tori sang that song in my head anyway.

the single most exciting thing today

was a prank caller who wanted to speak to a "Karen" who does not live in my house...
when I said so, he said he'd talk to me instead.

sheesh.
prank calls were something I did in high school
he sounded like an adult

fewer and fewer people use landlines these days, you'd think when someone picks it up, it would be for good reason...not because its cheaper to use for sleazy conversations.

sheesh.
next weekend, somebody else better house sit. I need a break.

magic 7

Seven years ago today, I was officially accepted into my current company as a probationary employee. This was after 2 months+ of Training.

There are several statements that can and/or should follow those sentences....but for now, I'll stick to the facts.

7 years....wow.

the coffee quiz

Its been a while since I've posted results of an online quiz that I took...but this one is almost spot-on, I cant help but share it.

For the record, I do always order a Latte (though not half-caf, but close!).



The complete description for this:

You're the perfect blend of caffeinated coffee and decaf. You're the happy medium between high-intensity focus and spaced-out daydreaming. Maybe you think you're indecisive, because you tend to choose the safe, middle ground in any debate, but other people appreciate your non-confrontational ways. You're easygoing and willing to compromise, so your friendships and relationships probably last a long time.

I've got mail

I love receiving snail mail, especially postcards.
I love how they're personal and handwritten.
I love how the trivial cost of postage belies the significance of taking time out to choose a card, write on it and then actually send it out...

I'm so easy to please aren't I? :)

world's apart

The first thing people do when an injury occurs is to stabilize the injured part, to try and not move it around so much. Such was the case for my twisted ankle. It was iced immediately and wrapped, i assume to keep it stable.

However, my parents had a different idea.

The minute my mom found out, she immediately decreed that I was to go to Bulacan with them and have this looked at. Kailangan ipa hilot. Pag nahilot na, mas makakalakad ka na.

As I was in pain already and could not walk at all, I agreed. After all, its what they do in Bulacan, and if it works for them, why not on me?

Hours later, I was crying in pain as she twisted my ankle which was, up to that point, securely wrapped and resting since I wasnt moving around. The pain was excruciating...and in those moments, I thought to myself, there has got to be a reason why they wrap it up --- hell, they put it in a cast if need be! This injury is probably meant to be left alone...and yet here we were, twisting and turning my ankle like it was 100% flexible.

So when all is said and done (and after two sessions of twisting my poor injured foot), I am walking as opposed to hopping on one foot though my foot is still somewhat black and blue and bruised -- whether or not its because of the injury itself or because of the injury i brought upon my injury, I dont know.

I wonder though, is my common knowledge of how to treat sprains completely wrong? I know of the cold and hot compress and resting and securing....but why is the "old-fashioned" treatment so very different? The only similarity I found was that my foot was wrapped in heated pieces of oiled "Tangan Tangan" leaves. That would be the equivalent of the hot compress.

I dont think I'll ever figure it out...but I will say, that my mom's reaction when she saw me walking instead of hopping was that if I had not gone to the manghihilot and to the doctor instead, sinemento lang nila yan.

incidents

Last month I scraped my left knee (and then some) on some corals in Palawan.

Two weeks ago, I rushed to get a Tetanus shot due to some embarrasing-won't-go-into-it incident.

And then a few days ago, I twisted my ankle real bad and added more scrapes and bruises to my now-healing left knee (and leg). Both ankle and leg are bruised, swollen and hurting...

I'm such a klutz without you....

we can all be a little greener

About two weeks ago, I went grocery shopping in one of the big Supermarkets in my area. I brought along one of those re-usable bags which I figured would do very well as a substitute for the grocery plastic bags.

I've been planning on using it for shopping for the longest time, and when that opportunity came, I was excited. I was so proud that I thought of it and was looking forward to checkout even before I started buying. When the time came to pay for my groceries, I proudly asked the bagger to please use the bag.

Only to be met with a confused stare.

He stared at the bag like it was the weirdest thing he's ever seen. "Whats that?" he seemed to be thinking. "Is it alive?"...or at least I think he was thinking it was alive, see, he didnt reach out to get it.

So I opened it up with my hands to show him that my bag doesnt bite. "You open it up like this, see?" I almost said. What I did say, was to please put the groceries in the bag.

"Aaaah." Finally, he got it.

"Lagay ko muna ho sa plastic ma'am?" Eeeep.

"Wag na, diretso nalang dyan yung kasya. Yung basa nalang ang paki plastic."

I had to actually be the first one to put something in the bag, urging him to follow since he was hesitating.

In the end, I used up less plastic and hopefully saved the earth even just a little bit. Unfortunately, my joy in being earth-friendly -- even if in just that small gesture -- was short-lived. If only more people knew better, then maybe our little things will indeed add up to something more.

you've been good to me

I will confess that I am a freeloader.

I pay for my coffee and sandwich/salad and then surf away with EYP's Free Wi-Fi at CBTL Tomas Morato. But just a few minutes ago, I found out that the service (or 'promo' as they call it) ends on April 15, 2008...Yikes! Is it really time to get internet at home?

Goodbye (in advace) EYP. You've been good to me (most times).

P

Palawan - the 'site' of my 2008 Holy Week vacation.
Paradise - definitely one of the best preserved nature spots in the country (that I've been to, at least). I love how they're commercial, catering for local and foreign tourists, yet very conscious of keeping things unspoiled.
Perfect - nine wonderful days of vacation -- no work, no need to worry about what day of the week it was and responsibilities that needed to be done....just what to do, where to go.

Its cheesy how I even use 'P' words just to get an entry out...I originally just wanted to link to Yeng's day-by-day photo account of what happened where, but I had to have an intro :P

So here it is...please visit Yeng's multiply to view our photos :D

Tagaytay

Road Trip

Not having my own car means that I dont get to go to places outside of the city best enjoyed when you have your own ride. Tagaytay happens to be one of those places. The minute I found out that my friends from work wanted to go there for a day (or maybe even more), I was game to go. In the end though, I couldnt go beyond one day --- so a day trip it was!

Food Trip

The plan wasnt clear really. We just knew how many of us would make it, how many cars there would be and which places we wanted to try. By "places" we meant Restaurants. And so it was set...we would have Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner in three different places. We expected the timing to be a bit off, so it was Brunch, late Lunch and Dinner late enough so that we would have cleared e nough tummy room, but early enough so that we dont head home too late in the evening.

The itinerary: Bag O Beans, Mano's and Bulalo somewhere. What happens in between, we would leave up to whim.

Of all the meals we had that day, I would have to declare that Brunch is still my favorite meal of the day, even though I had to hold back on the bread a bit (why I did is an entirely different story). And coffee, especially Greek Coffee, is still my favorite beverage for most days. If only Mano's is more accessible, I'd head there more often.

Trip Lang

Somehow, somewhere, they began taking photos of, who would have thought: Restrooms. I guess it started with the Ilog Maria Butterfly Farm's ingenious Bamboo House Restroom and then followed by Iam's Male and Female photos. After that, admittedly, I dont recall anymore crazy by the restroom shots...but once or twice I heard someone mention a photo in or around the same area in other places.

Photo Trip
In a way, I was glad I didn't have a camera....I didn't have to be the one behind the lens all the time, and I had nice photos (with me in them!) as well. I should add, its great to be with people who take nice photos.

Okay, who am I kidding? I also (STILL) want one. Someday.

Love this photo....can someone help me edit out the things that appear to be hanging down my nose? I obviously dont know where to put myself when in front of the cam :(


Photos courtesy of Allan, Manny and Iam

clicking away...

I hate it when time goes by slowly on weekdays...weekends seem so far away when that happens, and the things that must be done between now and then are way too many. I hate it when time goes by real fast on weekends and holidays. There's too little time to do other things. Too little time to do nothing as well. And every minute spent doing what you dont like doing seem like such a waste.

Lately, time seems to be flying by. Even on weekdays. In a few more days, things will change slightly...and for me, it will be the beginning of a bigger change... The first step to drastically altering my life is about unfold....next thing you know, it will be a whirlwind and then whats done is done.

Like he says, look forward, just keep looking forward.....

But why is it that when I look forward, all I see is me continuing to look forward?
I wonder, when this starts, will it ever end? I wonder, when this starts, will I be too caught up in the events I wont even have time to be afraid?

Knowing how I am, the fear will always be there. Fear has always been there. I am, after all, only human....I'll just have to keep pushing forward.

Forward, forward, forward....just thinking about it wears me out.

But when it starts, there's no turning back.

la mesa 2008

I am still 'speechless'..so I'll keep posting photos for now...better than not posting anything at all, I think. Photo from a recent trek/camping trip to La Mesa Watershed (note: not at the "park", but the preserved nature/forest area).

getting past the block

The early part of the year is usually busy for me. Its the perfect weather for trips, not too hot and not too rainy. Plenty of activities usually mean lots of blog entries. Unfortunately, I've repeatedly disappointed myself --- I've sat down in front of my PC, determined to write...and ended up with nothing.

This has got to stop. I miss writing. I miss not minding that people would read what I write. I miss how I tried to reveal without revealing much (I think) in past entries. I miss being the blogger I used to be.

I dont know what the reason is. My theory is that I've always been a sad writer. See, there are depressed writers and happy writers. Those who write and publish their thoughts best when they're in those emotional states. Me, I write best when I'm sad. Note, not depressed, because then its incoherent. Just when I'm having the blues. Since there really isnt much to be sad about, I dont write.

Funny, that should be a good thing. And it is, really. Just not when I'm thinking of lack of blog words.

Starting today, I will be working on making myself into an "Any Writer"......

sheesh. even this entry sucks.

S and A, after two years

This was a few weeks back, but S and A celebrated two years with a nice dinner at newly discovered Zucchinis. The venue and reason for celebration are both highly recommended :)



oh...and to all the "EFs", here's a trip down memory lane (doesnt feel like its been that long!)

New Year, New Look?

...not quite.
I got bored last Saturday and decided to find as many hairpins as I can. This is what happens when I'm bored, with hair that I'm bored with and nothing to do.

I do kinda like it though...has anyone een the curly 'do that Tyra has been sporting on her show lately? I wonder if that'll work for me...

first few images for 2008

Crystal Beach, Zambales

photo by Allan Vistan




CamSur Watersports Complex


photo by Jonathan Alegre

breaking the silence

I am breaking this blog's silence with this update: I have just spent an entire hour kneeboarding! Where else but at CWC!!

Yeah, I'm here for the weekend, spending some time away from work...as if we didn't just come from the Holidays. You cant ever have too many holidays, I think.

Now I have a confession...I am delaying my back-to-trying wakeboard until tomorrow. Why? Because I am scared. I am woman enough to admit that seeing all these pro wakeboarders is increasing my fear of falling into the water, hurting myself, or even possibly getting run over by the next boarder. I am consoling myself with the fact that its been 4 years since I've last been on a wakeboard. Tomorrow is the day. *gulp*

In the meantime, I will soak in the music, the free wifi and the *ahem* view. (Keep in mind ladies, CWC is a haven of foreign wakeboarders ;))