last few hours

I opted to stay in my apartment while waiting for departure time. The other option would be to go window-shopping...but nah, I'll relax and take it slow.
So, as Jeng requested, I will post my last image of Cyprus....

haha! probably not exactly what she asked for, but hey, my last image of it would presumably be taken from the cab on the way to the airport...and I wont be able to post it until I get to Manila (yeah, no Wi Fi..I have to change that).. But anyway, that's me in the apartment...I'm practicing taking self-portraits since I'll need it next year ... I need ultra-wide lenses!!!! and a Holga. and a new tripod and....argh.

Next year, when I come back I will....

1. Try Greek coffee metrio style (with a little bit of sugar, no milk)
2. cook more (yeah right)
3. use the hotel's nice gym (sana)
4. use the hotel's lovely pool (weather permitting)
5. buy more (knowing me, tough luck)
6. do better at work (I'm not doing that bad, I think, but just not good enough)

So Goodbye for now Nicosia! I will come back next year...and we'll have even more fun then!

Jeng: meron pa kong utang na kwento...I will post that when I'm in Manila :p

Limestones and 'ecru' and repeated voices...

Our Troodos tour guide from weeks ago did say that Cyprus is volcanic, no, I don't think there are any volcanoes in the island (at least I havent heard of one yet), rather, they were formed by, I assume, volcanic eruptions millions of years ago. Hence the abundance of hills that are mostly limestone.

Just dont ask me where those volcanoes that formed the island are. Much of that 'knowledge' is mostly me surmising fact-like things from what little I heard. But really, those hills really are covered in limestone. And they appear to be formed of horizontal layers of rocks on top of another horizontal layer...piling up til and shrinking in size until they form a cone-like peak...they remind of the Rice Terraces back home -- which I havent seen by the way -- with conical peaks instead of gently sloped hilltops.

That is the initial image I will take home with me as I return home for the holidays.

That, and ecru-colored buildings and homes. Unlike most of the Europe that I've seen, architecture isnt dark and gothic...they are chalky in appearance and yellowish white in color. Not brick-like as I had imagined Cyprus buildings would be.

Entertainment at 'home' on the other hand, would be CNN. Much like Paris, I am forever tuned in to this news channel and forever hearing the voices of their reporters. So much so, that I've learned to tune in while tuning out. And I've learned to predict what the news is. After all, one program after the next shows the same clip over and over and over again...What I lack for in news-watching at home,I am more than making up for during my stay here. My other option would be to learn Greek. Which of course I doubt I can do. I have this thing about being unable to speak a foreign language (apart from English, but really, that doesnt count as foreign) confidently. I feel as if my inability to pronouce words correctly is an insult to the locals. That, and my unwillingness to be the stupid foreigner who tries too hard.

Of course next year -- thats only three weeks from now -- I will come back. And I will make more memories then. And take more photos. And endeavor to learn more, about another foreign culture, about myself, and yes, about my work as well.

Oh and of course, Greek coffee, I shall return! This is not goodbye, only au revoir (and that, I can say with just slightly more confidence)

it hit me suddenly....

I no longer think of you when I travel...no more 'you'd love this place if you were here' thoughts

oh happy day :)

playing hooky

Today we left the office at noon to drive to the quaint and picturesque village of Lefkara, roughly an hour's drive out of Nicosia. It was the team's going away 'party' for Sajo who had her last day at work and for the project today.

Lefkara is a small village that thrives on lace-making and silversmith(ing?). I found it best to not research about places that we go to since I am more easily surprised that way...

As always, I loved the views, loved the architecture...but to add to those expected favorites, I fell in love with the narrow sloping streets of the village. And the lace. And the silver. When I come back next year, I will buy myself more silver...after all, every girl deserves a bit of icing dontchatink?

My officemates wandering about the tiny streets....

and finally, a souvenir shot of me at the lace shop where I got a handmade lace tablecloth

Agia Napa

From what little information I gathered on Agia Napa, it was one of the more popular summer places in Cyprus. I didnt do that much research (bad I know) because I had expected it to be just like any other coastal town...loaded with resort hotels, restaurants, bars both near the shore and the harbor plus a loong stretch of beach with lovely beckoning blue water (yes, they whisper 'come hither' even in winter -- to me at least...being beach-deprived and all)..

what I didnt expect from Agia Napa was this Monastery...situated very near the town square.

At first, all we saw was an interesting gate/archway that opened up to what looked like a private garden. Apparently not. It was open to the public, and unlike most public places back home, this was clean. And breathtakingly serene.

(no one would know that just a few feet away, bars and clubs and pubs were scattered all over)

a last look

the Church of Saint Lazarus at Larnaca

Not knowing anything about the Greek Orthodox religion, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Lazarus plays an important role to their religion and mine. This Byzantine church was built on top of Lazarus' tomb (the second and final one, for those who are aware of his life story). However, the relics are no longer there as they were removed by a Byzantine king (I forget which one).

Photos below (of course!) taken from outside and within the Church. Most of the indoor shots I took while Buddy was hanging from my neck. I wanted to not be too obvious in respect of those who were praying inside. (plus, I liked the outcome of the first photos so I said, why not.... I'll make it my own version of 'shooting from the hip'

edit: In reply to Jeng's query, from what I remember, Lazarus apparently moved to Cyprus and continued his religious work here up until the time of his second death...hence, his tomb in the area (where he put up a Church, I think) and the Church to commemorate him.

a series of arches

the (empty) tomb of saint lazarus

main aisle askew

ray of light

I'm an alien

(finally) a legal alien

I have the impression that the youngest in the family are usually the sweet, affectionate type. The one who sometimes literally "light

up" their parent's days.

Sometimes I wish that were me. I may be the youngest in the family but I know that I'm not the bubbly, sweet, affectionate one. I take

after my father in my being "distant" sort-of, standing on the sidelines, only there when they need me....

In moments when I realize that I am the only un-married child, that I am the one spending the most time with my parents, the one

beside them and with them when they're sick...I wish that I can make them laugh and smile the way my comic brother (if he's in the mood)

would. Or maybe at least be as caring and affectionate as my you-dont-have-to-worry-about-anything-I'll-handle-it (in terms of

housework and taking care of people) sister.

All I do really, is ... I dont know actually. I guess I make them proud because I have a good job, I'm a (relatively) good daughter, I help out

financially whenever I can and because I am independent.

But I can't make them smile. Nor can I make them laugh. And sometimes I feel that those are the things they need most.

I went blog-wandering and found myself reading this girl's (who I do not know by the way) thoughts. After a sentence or two I thought to myself.."this sounds like me" or at least, its how I used to be.
I envy those who can keep posting such personal things about them in such public places like blogs. I am always in danger of screening everything I write until I end up with the most incoherent, pointless piece of crappy, unorganized thoughts written down that I decide its better to delete them than attempt to post them.
I want to take back that part of me who thought about everything, who had an opinion or could formulate one about every single thing and would not hesitate to post them. Recently I realized that I have become so passive, so uncaring about things, choosing instead to sit back and do nothing.
I wonder, what made it all go away? And will I ever get it back?

the Troodos Mountain ranges, that is, the Troodos mountain ranges...

The title is in reference to our Tour Guide's favorite phrase, repeated before and after each sentence, used as a sentence by itself and used to refer back to the Tour that she was conducting..makes you wonder if she was actually convincing herself that that is indeed the name of the place...

Today we went on a day tour to the Troodos Mountain Ranges. These mountains are the highest points in the island of Cyprus and during the coldest times of the year, snow covers these mountains and turns them into a ski resort. The highest peak and the most popular ski resort is Mount Olympus, named after the mythical home of the Gods. Nestled within one of the towns in the mountains is the Kykkos Monastery, the most popular and richest Greek Orthodox monastery which houses the icon of the Virgin of Kykkos, handed down from the Byzantine Emperor hundreds of years ago. There is an interesting history behind the icon, its story is told here.

Random photos from Troodos:

The flag of Cyprus alongside the Greek flag

The grave of Archishop Makariou, former Greek Orthodox Archbishop and Cyprus President

A tourist takes in the Troodos view

Near the Shrine to the icon of the Virgin of Kykkos, handkerchief and tissues alike hang on the nearby bush branches. Locals claim that hanging them up and making a wish would guarantee the fulfillment of their wishes.

Rose bush outside the Monastery

The Kykkos Monastery from afar

From within the monastery:

frustrations of the day

First of all, I woke up late. Too late for the hotel's breakfast...so we decided to go out and do some serious "maybe" shopping and shooting. We ended up doing "real" shopping and before we knew it, it was too dark for me to shoot (no tripod plus I just wasnt in the mood to take out my flash) and it was time for mass.

photo pffft

I thought I'd shoot something after the mass, since the church was in the old part of the city where I wanted to shoot anyway. Lots of old houses very near the border. However, while I struggled to compose something to replace my 'PEACE' photo (my current fave), a local approached us and informed us that photography was not allowed, being near the border and having soldiers there and all....

WHAT?!?!? BUT BUT BUT.....!

*sigh* From what I know, taking photos beyond the border in the direction of the Turkish territory was prohibited BUT taking photos in the Cyprus side...?

I guess what bothers me really is the fact that that was the area where I wanted to take photos. And apparently I cant.

So I uploaded my 'PEACE' photo unto my old galleries at Filphoto and Photo.net.ph. I havent visited those in a while and it surprised me to see that some (and I do mean 'some') photos are still there. Until tomorrow's Troodos mountains trip, that'll have to do.

if the shoe fits

I have to add, we went to a shoe store that were selling Italian made leather shoes at more than 50% off. Wide-eyed, I looked around and spotted some knee-high boots. I love boots. And the fact that they're unfit for Manila and that the heels were not Manila-commuter-friendly did not daunt me. They were on SALE for heaven's sake.

So I tried them on. And lo and behold, I couldnt fully zip them up. I mean, I know I have uhm, not-so-tiny legs, but come on?! Surely these things are designed to fit women's legs? Women are supposed to have meat and muscle upwards past the ankle after all.

Apparently not. I heaved, huffed and puffed, to no avail. No boots for me. If next week I dont find any, I'll have to settle for pumps. And then maybe I'll drive a hole through a shoe designer's foot using those killer heels.

sidenote

I left home with a handful of happy thoughts.

There is something scary about leaving home for work travel on a good note...it reminds me of the last time I left with a happy thought. I suppose it doesnt help to be pessimistic, but when experience speaks, I cant help but listen intently.

One of the things that made me leave home relatively merrily was this:

the sound and sight of the past burning. I have purged myself if not completely, then at least physically of proof of past bad judgment. No one can ever say that I was that -- save for two people.

first few images from Nicosia, Cyprus

The border at the Nicosia side, separating Cypriot territory from the Turkish territory.

While on a nearby wall...

More photos to follow soon!

Dubai Layover

Dubai International Airport

Pre-Departure Blues

Nov 24, 2005
4:00 PM Manila Time
8 hours prior to Departure time

Of all my trips, Cyprus wins hands down in having the most stressful pre-departure period. This took three months of visa processing, filling up application forms, having visa's denied and then learning that it was semi-approved, back and forth faxing of documents, couriers to and from different countries and through different timezones, email to and from various people, repeated flight bookings and re-bookings, hotel reservations, cancellations and re-reservations...

..and all of that just refer to the "official" goings-on that need to be taken cared of for a business trip. There is, as with any traveler, the personal aspect as well.

I will put it this way..It took me a day and a half to stress, prepare and fuss over Kevin's recent wedding -- and I was just a plain old guest.
How much effort I would exert for a 3-week trip to a country currently in winter?

It might seem that with my travel experience, these things would be easy. On one hand, it was, since I no longer fuss about minor things --- deciding what to bring is almost automatic. However, having been on other winter trips have had some major effects on me as well. I am now armed with the first-hand knowledge that women my age can and most definitely do NOT look frumpy in oversized, overbulky and overlayered clothes. I have also developed a distaste for having too many handcarried bags.

As a result, I ended up bringing less clothes, buying one or two more-expensive-than-I-would-normally buy pieces of travel essentials.
I have to add, that I did my shopping within 2 days of my real, actual departure. I wanted to make sure I was leaving before I spent that much money and that much effort.

Add all that to my worries over the unusual circumstances of the Entry visa, and what I end up with is an extremely stressful experience.

Nov 24, 2005
9 PM Manila time
3 hours prior to Departure Time

After all that hassle and all the craziness that went on, I breezed past Immigration with the Immigration Officer not even sparing so much as a blink in the direction of my Entry Visa...?!??!?
No word, no murmur, no grunt marked the "interview".
Anti-climactic? Hell yes!!! It was so easy..TOO EASY, now it scares me.

A familiar feeling...been here before, unfortunately I don't quite know what to do.
I only recognize the signs, and I can pretty much tell what will happen next. Unfortunately, I have neither the means nor the knowledge to change the inevitable.

Walk away...I know how to do that by now.

not quite yet

still in Manila. Cyprus is pushed back to...who knows, really?

out into the world I go

This weekend promises to be exciting. As of this writing, I am good to go on Saturday.

Winter clothes? not yet packed but they're there..so check.

Budget? Check.

Plane ticket, round trip? Check.

Passport? Check.

Visa? Er....question mark???

My visa will be sent VIA FAX tomorrow afternoon. Along with an accompanying letter from the Immigration lawyers. That along with the numerous papers that I have ultimately boils down to one thing:

I DONT HAVE MY ORIGINAL VISA STAMPED ON MY PASSPORT.

Maybe its a Cyprus thing, and this is normal practice and a routinely issued visa, but I am anticipating long waits at the Immigration offices both here and in Cyprus.

I am now calling on all the angels and saints that have looked after me since I was a kid to please please make this trip not that painful for me. I imagine that the only thing worst than enduring a coach flight of over 10 hours is the delay at Immigration.

This is one trip that's definitely worth noting.

I love weddings.

Thats why I try to go to each wedding that I'm invited to. Grant that I don't really have issues with the bride or groom nor they with me.
Last Saturday, I made my way to Batangas with four other office friends to attend Kevin and Anna's wedding. It was a real effort on our part. Especially since those of us who lived in QC had to make our way to Sucat via public transport. Once there, we had to ask permission to borrow Jeng's parent's ride and in the process, have her brother drive us to and from Batangas!

Long story short...I chose to go under dressed after all the stress I went through trying to find something decent to wear. Public transport + full make-up + garment bag do not make a good equation.

Did I say I loved weddings? Well yeah, I still do. Despite the routine outfit hassle. And the expected wedding gift problem. I always get teary-eyed when they exchange vows. Mushy I know, but there, thats my soft spot.

I didn't get to shoot much...letting Allan get acquainted with Buddy instead (Starbucks ko??? hehhee) but here's one I liked:

A reminder of the things that I've missed and are missing came late last week and continued on throughout the weekend. I've overcome any strong reactions that I used to have and have learned to take things with a shrug of my shoulders and a quick "oh well". but last night I had a "relapse" of sorts.

I had that feeling again. And it came at the same time that my previous "attacks" came. I dealt with it the only way I know....sleep.

Sleep has always consoled me. It brought hope that when I awake, things will be where they should be.

And this morning when I woke up, things were where they are...but whether or not it should be this way...I am not sure.

I wake to sleep and take my waking slow, I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go.
-- Theodore Roethke
The Waking

whereabouts.

As of today, my November 12 flight has been moved to November 19.

Lets hope thats the last time they move it. I've been waiting to fly to Cyprus for two months already!

My excitement wanes and peaks constantly, I'm suffering from motion sickness....

Rizal Road Trip

the advantages of having new people at work who are just as into -- actually it should be "more into" -- photography is that they're willing to organize shoots and photo shoots.

take friday last week, a non-working holiday-turned-whole-day-photo-op. we went to the province of rizal to take photos.

below are some of my favorites ( I only had a handful that I liked :( )

Cyprus update

Late last week we received word that I was given an approval for a Cypriot work permit by the Cypriot Consul in Cyprus (If he's in his home country, is he still a Consul?). How that came about is beyond me. All I filed was an application for a Short-Stay visa which was denied by the Honorary Consulate in Manila.

This morning we found faxed copies of application forms for Employment in Cyprus. I was directed to sign them. Weird thing is, I was naming my current employer as the employer for the Cypriot temporary employment...and we dont have an office in Cyprus. Weird? Well it was the immigration lawyer's idea.

At the project office in Cyprus, they're expecting me to be there on November 7, Monday. Today is Thursday. I have no Entry visa, no work permit...nor do I have a copy of the "approval".....sure...Monday. This would be me at the Immigration counter (at NAIA):

Immigration officer: (eyebrows raised) You need a visa to get to Cyprus, where's your visa?

Me:(smiling my best smile and fluttering my eyelids as demurely as I possibly can -- which is not much, I have to say)

Oh, I have a stamp there that says I applied for one.

IO: (slightly turning red, voice raised) Yes, but where is your visa?

Me:(still smiling but with gritted teeth cursing whoever wanted me to leave without anything)

Uhm, I have the forms I signed to have the Entry Visa and work permits processed.

IO: (screaming, I imagine) WHERE IS YOUR VISA???

Me: (scared, I imagine) They assured me that they will be waiting for me at the Airport with my VISA.

IO: (screaming still and racing out of the booth to strangle me senseless) WHERE THE .... IS YOUR VISA???

Right. I doubt if they'll ask me the same question more than once. Chances are, I'll be ushered into one of those rooms I've only heard about but never seen. Chances are, I'll be heading home on the same day my flight was supposed to leave Manila. But hey, they DID say I should be there November 7...

When we view things from a safe distance, we can manipulate them into becoming what we want them to be, but up close, sometimes they're not what we imagine them to be.

Will two restless souls ever go anywhere?

office sessions

Last week we had photo sessions at work. We transformed the conference room into studios, used a borrowed light (dont know how those things are called) and three camera flash(es) set as slaves plus used the upcoming SPeciaL Awards as an excuse to lure subjects/models into the mock studios.

The result: photos galore! working with lights were a bit tricky sometimes...but I had experts working with me (salamat kay topeng at neil!). We took turns taking photos (well Topeng and I did, Neil was the pro photographer onsite) and arranged and re-arranged the lights over and over again.

Some sample shots:

Jeng doing her wave thing

Allan being Allan

the sumi smile

me being uber-vain :D

what do you get when you cross a serious-y group photo and an editing fan? An SPL Telenovela!

trying.

trying to make sense of all the different thought running in my head
cant seem to make even one of the stop for a while to let them explain
explain to me what they mean

and why they've been restlessly popping up and out over and over and over again.

trying to focus on one thought, zoom in on them one at a time
so I can explore and know and learn what its trying to say
but the simple task of isolating thoughts seem to have to left me
has this ability been replaced by yet more thoughts? more words to confuse me,
more words that make no sense.

trying to convince myself that this will all make sense soon,
that the befuddled thoughts are part of the process of understanding, growing and becoming
so still I try, and the thought come pouring in,
running around inside my head.

family weekend

Spent the weekend with my family since my sister and her kids came over.
Pictures say a whole lot more, so I've put together some of the shots I took of the kids and my ate and kuya.

And then I realized that I'm shooting again. There is hope...

of permits and of leave(s)

Originally filed for a two-day leave to have a four-day weekend Baguio trip. Again, unforeseen circumstances prevented that. Have to stay behind and face responsibilities. Again, I ask, I AM getting old, aren't I? (and no, an answer to the obvious question is not needed)

Used up one-fourth of that leave to get some much needed, long overdue errand time. I am now the holder of a Student's Permit. Driving lessons are next. Note: diving lessons are also next, but there's no permit needed to learn how to dive. On my palm now lies a "USED" stamp. Yes. Used up. And I needed LTO to tell me that?

craniacs anonymous

Hi, I'm Socs. I'm a Craniac.

It started with stories from Con and Pads about Cranium sessions they've been having in the US.
And then Pads brought home Cranium Turbo Edition, and left it with me.
Now we can't stop playing.
red, green, yellow and blue...
I still hear the timer playing that tune. 6 pm and its not pingpong time, nor is it billiards time...

Cranium na yan!!

for want of an update

Didnt do anything exciting...but my blog needs an update, so what the hell...

saturday

There was a game scheduled for Saturday. It was the usual handful people from work + some college batchmates who've been my occassional soccer pals in the past years since graduation.
Unfortunately, shortly after lunch the weather started turning bad. Unfortunately, being the "automatic" organizer of the whole thing, people suddenly started asking about the game. I had to decide, and I had to decide fast, before people start leaving their homes. When I heard the rumble of thunder I just had to cancel. Plus it didn't help that I won't be able to play even if it was just drizzling (dont ask, just try me when I say I cant).
And then I got pleas to not cancel, mostly from my college buddies who've been dying to play. But I already did. So there. Sometimes, its a real pain to be the one to pull the plug on things. I won't be surprised if people start hating me in the future.
Spent the rainy early evening rushing off to Cainta to help out my mom. Good thing hindi naman baha anywhere and I got to SL without too much hassle.

sunday

I had an escape plan. I needed to get out of the house and the solution was: go shopping. Sure, I was not supposed to spend another penny since I was close to broke. BUT I needed leather shoes. No, this was not a "want". Its a "need". I work in Makati, and I'm supposed to wear office clothes 4 out 5 days...I need black leather shoes.
So I went to Glorietta on my own. Eyed a pair of lovely leather boots that will go with anything. Price was a bit steep...for the quality, it was cheap, but for my budget...it was way over. Fate helped out a bit since they didn't have it in my size. The end result, a new pair of leather shoes for half the price of the boots I wanted, plus one or two new shirts for work. Not bad at all.

about my blog

I think I need a new title. Unfortunately, I was never good at titles. I also want a new template. Still havent found a good one yet though. I want the easy free, cut and paste type of blog template. Oh and if I do update it, it will be my 5th or 6th template update. Talk about changing minds often.

When all the make-believe is gone, and you no longer need to fight
And all the personal demons have left you, letting you sleep at night
And the only thing you're left with is you...
Are you ready to face yourself
Are you ready to be with you really are?
Are you ready to know,
that underneath all the hate, the pain and the pretense you've put up
Deep inside you're plain and normal like everyone else.
Maybe all that drama and made-up up pain was just something you wanted,
something you needed,
to hide the fact that deep inside you're plain and normal just like everyone else.

oh yeah.

Here's a blog update....I was supposed to go here:

BUT due to circumstances beyond my control, I am still here.
Not there. Just here. Where I have always been. Most of the time.

positively GREEN.

I'm Blue and White all the way... but for Tori, I'm willing to go GREEN.

Weeks back, Pads called me up to tell me he was at a TORI AMOS concert. He

made me listen to her (via phone) and it both made AND ruined my day.

Made, because I heard her; Ruined, because I wasn't there.

Either way, it was still something...a major milestone. Its nice to have friends

who share the experience. Its even nicer when they bring you back something

as nice as this shirt :)

snazzy new shoes

I asked Con to buy football shoes for me (thats soccer shoes, depending on what part of the world you reside in) and this morning he handed it over to me...with an extra surprise...
I wont be paying for those shoes! Its a belated Birthday gift from Con, Pads, Don and William. Thanks guys!!!!! I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.
Here's how my snazzy, ultra-jazzy, uber-nice shoes look like:

Thank you Con! Thank you Pads! Thank you Don! Thank you William!
You guys are the best. I will dedicate every kick and pass to you all (hahaha exagg na ba?).

Thank you.

For those who asked and to whoever is curious, my mom is at home and is doing well. The tumor was benign, and there was no need to remove surrounding tissues (and potentially, facial nerves).

Thank you to everyone who uttered a quick prayer who sent me messages this past weekend. I don't want to be a drama queen, but to be honest, Saturday (the day of her operation) was tense. I was waiting to hear from the surgeon or from anyone, and believe me, 4 hours of waiting inside the hospital room alone was not easy.

Thank you thank you thank you.

I wouldnt write this if I didnt need the extra favor...

I have just confirmed early this evening that my mom's surgery will push through this weekend. Initially, I didn't have any fear. Even though its a major surgery (a parotidectomy or something like that), there have been other patients who went through a similar procedure under the same doctor. Plus, we all know that it has to be done in order to minimize further risks.

But for as long as I can remember, it has been my mom's prayers that got us all through everything -- school exams, problems and illnesses. Now that the prayers are for her, I don't think mine and my siblings' prayers will be enough.

We are all confident though that all will be well. But still, I have a bit of fear, I am human after all.

So, if you have time, I would appreciate it if you can include my mom and her surgeon in your prayers. Surgery is scheduled on Saturday.

You know when...

...your friends are thinking too much of your "single-hood" when
they dream of marrying you off under the most absurd circumstances.
Renee's dream about me and my wedding is posted here. hahahaha!

my sister's kids

I am my brother's kids occassional playmate and yaya since I live with them, but my pamangkins from my sister's side, I rarely get to see. So I'm sharing their cutest and latest photo:

From left to right: Bea, Sammie and Paul

I included a phrase in my pbase travel gallery which I found saved in one of my cellphone's folders "...not all who wander are aimless."
I knew that I picked up in some movie, but couldnt quite remember which. Yesterday, HBO provided the answer. It was from Mona Lisa Smile, the last editorial written by Kirsten Dunst's character:

"I've heard her called a quitter for leaving and aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond traditions, beyond definition, beyond the image."

who would've thought?

Bart, Grache and myself in Cebu..January of this year.

One week after I left them in Boracay, we found each other in Cebu.

Now Grache is in Michigan. Grache's B is back in Holland. And I'm still home, on the verge of yet another trip.

Wow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACHE!!! In which part of the world are we meeting next?

Written September 14, 2005 9PM Delifrance, SM Makati

At Delifrance, SM Makati, debating on whether or not I should...

Two things strike me almost simultaneously. One, why am I considering it? Two, why does it matter that I AM considering it?
I take a few bites of my food and toy with the idea while I chew --- breaking down both food and thoughts at the same time....
...My phone rings suddenly, and my rhythm is interrupted.

And just like that, fate decides for me. Spared momentarily, I exhale...from relief? Or from disappointment?

To cap off a really crappy, non productive day at work, I am heading off to SM Makati. To buy a school bag for my niece.
Hey, I like shopping. Even if its for school supplies. I just can't shrug off the terrible, terrible feeling of not being something.

*****

Last night, on the way home after watching the office basketball game, I had that feeling again. The feeling of restlessness. Everyone who knows me well, knows that I've always been prone to bouts of restiveness. Hence, my constant questions of "san gimik?" over and over again. Hence, my constant coming-home-late episodes.

I have a theory on why I had that again. But I will keep that to myself. Too personal? Too pathetic? A little bit of both I think.

*****

Headed over to the other office this afternoon to pay a quick visit to Mommy Maine. She's really showing! A few more months and she'll be giving birth to her firstborn boy. Lette gave her his name suggestions...needless to say, none of them are being considered :p

*****

A press of a single button and the words come out.."Erased." Just like that. Deleted. No other proof that it ever existed. None whatsoever.
It was a temporary thing. It was not a slip-up nor a momentary lapse in judgment. It had to be done. Because I needed something. I needed to feel the power of being able to control. Of being able to invoke you at will. And delete you at will.

There is a sweet exhilirating feeling that comes with being able to do things this way. Having always viewed everything form the other end of the spectrum, this is not something I'm familiar with. Yet it feels right. Like it is how it was always supposed to be. Now I know, now I feel differently.

I feel a witch cackle bubbling up to the surface. But no, I cannot rejoice so outwardly. A dignified and gracious demeanor is the true measure of inner control and the real trait of a true winner.
So I supress the laughter and smile instead.

the birthdays continue

My brother turns 32 today...and the weird thing is, my sister who is older than both of us, is also 32 today! Only for today though...because tomorrow she's turning 33. Yeah, they're only 364 days apart in terms of age. Yes, my parents have this weird knack for getting the timing right. With me though, I suppose 5 years of not having a kid made them off for a few days...but see, we all have our birthdays on the same month!
Thats the fun thing with me and my siblings. All Virgos.
Happy Birthday Kuya! Happy Birthday Ate!
I know they may never read this, since they're not online...but its still nice to put it out there in the great big internet unknown.
I hope to post photos of all three virgos (me, kuya and ate) next week :)

photo essay

I've posted some shots I took while in the office last week. I originally wanted to create a photo essay of some sort, adding captions to the photos that forms an entire thought when viewed as a group.

But, my creative juices aren't flowing.

So...I've posted each separately, and would rather get insights from people who frequent my blog. Feel free to add your captions - er, comments. :)