its one of those days...

..when everything starts out right.

I opened my eyes this morning and realized that hey, I woke up early today. When I walked over to my closet, I actually knew what I was going to wear today. And on the train station, I came just in time to catch the empty train. When I sat on my desk I glanced around and realized that yeah, I came in earlier than my "neighbors" today.

So I said to myself that today is going to be a good day.

Until something really small and really insignificant happened. Something no one woud've have noticed except me, of course.

And now I'm left to wonder whether this really will be a good day after all.

photo op!

I realized that my blog is in need of photos. Since I havent been out "shooting" yet, I opted to post this photo...that's me with my best girls minus two.

And this is also the best time to advertise our blog...at the very core

and there you will find even more photos of us! along with entries reminiscing and saying nothing. :)

Everyone should make a habit out of writing and re-writing their own resumes. Even if they are currently employed and not really looking for a new job.

The trick is to write and create it as if you were seriously vying for a position….

I tell you, the experience is humbling.

All of a sudden, the past accomplishments seem so insignificant, the stress and the long hours all seem as if they were for naught.

All of a sudden you want to look good, not in person, but on paper. Its as if you’re donning you’re favorite outfit that makes you look uber professional for that first day at work…or for my fellow-SPLers, for that first ever, nerve racking first Panel presentation (okay, well that is if you did dress up for it, God Knows I did -- and I still say they SHOULD!)

Maybe resume writing can take the place of the yearly performance evaluation. Or it can be done parallel to it. Grated that you are being truthful and honest about your achievements, it forces you look at your work from an outsider’s point of view and makes you ask the question….so what??

At the end of it though, I cannot guarantee that you would want to keep doing what you’re doing. Do not blame me if all of a sudden you’re unhappy with what you do.

The other night I was rummaging through my things when I came across a particular box I havent seen in a long time. It held my collection of greeting cards.
When I was in High School, I would browse through the Greeting Cards under the "All Occassion" category, randomly reading whatever caught my eye. If I find one I liked for any reason -- it was funny, the cartoon was cute, it was something mushy without being gross -- I would buy it. Of course, I never really had anyone in mind when I buy them. I didn't know who I would send it to, much less when I would send it out. I just had a growing pile of them waiting for the right person, and the right moment.
And then that moment never came. Neither did that person. So my collection of greeting cards are still there. Unopened up to this very day, and unsent still. I suppose I can just choose a random friend and sent them out, but then, I wouldn't have memories of the cheesy collection I used to have.
I remember that my favorite among them was one with a ziggy wearing a cap on the cover. On top of it, it said "I'm wearing my favorite thinking hat today..." and when you opened it, there was another ziggy cartoon, also with the cap on, but on the cap, written on big bold letters: YOU.
Mushy I know. But then it was cute. And a really nice way to let someone know you're thinking about 'em ;-)

I can hear them...

I am 23 floors up and two (or three?) blocks away from the center of the rally yet I can hear demonstrators down in the street chanting their "Gloria Resign" piece. Not surprisingly, I still don't give a damn.

I am preoccupied more with thoughts of how I can work with my limited budget and begin my independence next month. So much to spend for and very little to spend with.

I'm also trying, with very little success, to quell this feeling of being trapped. My days are filled with my day job and with the usual (and now minimal) interpersonal interactions. Make that, my weekdays. Weekends are spent dealing with responsibilities passed on to me. On one hand I dont mind because it is after all, only right and appropriate that I deal with it. On the other, I resent and reject it because it limits me to something I would rather not do. While deep inside I resist, I cannot find it me to fully turn away from it, because it is to some extent, unspeakable to do so.

Like always, I stick to following what I am inherently drawn to do. Grin and bear it. I cannot after all, look back and find that I was so selfish, I refused to help out.

found!!!

a roll of black and white film!!!

its a sign...I must go out and shoot.

I dont know when, I dont know where and I have no idea how. I just know I MUST!!!

I found the lone treasure while cleaning out my office mobile. *sigh* even after a pile of unwanted papers and a stack of old useless notebooks have been thrown away, its contents still look like trash to me.

This from someone who wants to study Interior Design???!!?? Maybe my sister's incredulity when I told her about my PSID plans for next year was a sign that this is not what I should get into....

but then, is there such a thing as a professional couch potato?

Haay. Must rethink my life path.

one week later

Today ends my 9-day no-work hiatus...*sigh* it was fun while it lasted. But it was well worth it, and definitely called for.

For those who are lost, I was not at work the entire week last week. Okay, let me rephrase that, I did not work at all last week. Instead, I did some long overdue visiting, lots of oversleeping and of course, lots of overeating :)

The highlights of my week (and 2 weekends):

San Pablo

I've been promising my ate I would spend a weekend with them at San Pablo right after I got back from the Netherlands. But, as it may have been apparent, the past weeks were HELL!!! As a result, I kept pushing back the scheduled weekend. This time, after the end of my last project and right before I spend a week twiddling my thumbs, I went and visited them for three days.

Sam is such a cute little thing!!! She loves to sit on room corners, squished between the bed and the cabinet, or behind the CD rack...she loves to play with Kuya Paul as well....she always gives that delighted little laugh-scream when she sees him. When she sees Ate Bea though, she daintily raises up her arms and asks her to pick her up...nagpapaalaga.

Bea and Paul are growing up real fast, just like Ally and Carl. What's the phrase? Shooting up like Bamboo? Something like that. I love the fact that they were excited to see me. Bea is such a little lady, getting prettier and slimmer every year. Paul is turning out to be a really chatty one, just like his mom. Hmm...probably not a good thing for a guy is it?

The quest for a home

Finally had time to look around for an apartment. After six places (yes, I havent been to that many places yet) I was ready to give up. Its so hard to find a nice place, in a nice location with just the right price. I found one in the most ideal location, but then the unit itself was depressing....sabi nga nung isang officemate ko, baka daw maisipan kong mag suicide sa lugar na yun. It was dark and small and, well, not good for claustrophobic people....I'm not claustrophobic, but if I live there, I just might turn into one.

So the search is still on. Hopefully I can find one before the month ends.

The Quintessential Errand Girl

Thats me of course. And having more than a few days off from my day job, I naturally had to have some errands to do. Okay, I didnt have to, but I would inevitably end up with more a couple. To be expected, I suppose. After all, they know when I have free time and when I dont... which leads me back to my hunt for my own place....I need one FAST!!

That instance which I refuse to name with anything else.

It is over and done with. I've dealt with it, now it has to be laid to rest. End of story.

Every single piece in the game has moved the way I would have thought they would -- that is if I had been given the chance to determine how they would move in the first place. But as it is, I am only informed of what how and how they dealt with it now that everything else is done.

At this point in time, I am not supposed to bother with how they acted, how they decided. Rather I am left with questions that pertain only to me....

how am I supposed to deal with it, how do I decide?

I am flying in all directions, pulled apart by anger, hurt, fear, insecurity and the pressure to do the right thing for everyone.

I am spiralling this way and that, and the only peaceful way for me to handle it is to set it aside.
But in not deciding, I have made a decision. And that is something I cannot make myself do.