Every single piece in the game has moved the way I would have thought they would -- that is if I had been given the chance to determine how they would move in the first place. But as it is, I am only informed of what how and how they dealt with it now that everything else is done.

At this point in time, I am not supposed to bother with how they acted, how they decided. Rather I am left with questions that pertain only to me....

how am I supposed to deal with it, how do I decide?

I am flying in all directions, pulled apart by anger, hurt, fear, insecurity and the pressure to do the right thing for everyone.

I am spiralling this way and that, and the only peaceful way for me to handle it is to set it aside.
But in not deciding, I have made a decision. And that is something I cannot make myself do.