The weekend that was.....


I spent my weekend sulking at home. Got up late saturday morning, spent almost the entire afternoon cooped up in my room watching TV. Don't ask me what I watched because I don't remember. All I know is that I was watching...something. Sunday was pretty much the same, got out of bed late, didn't do anything I didn't have to do and watched TV without really watching.

I know what some people would say, too much idle time isn't good for anybody. But I never really listen. I'm one of those extremely stubborn people who never learn. Too much idle time you say? I say there's never enough time for idleness. Besides, just because I stayed home doesn't mean I was idle anyway. I was busy...busy thinking.

The weird thing really is that I wasn't thinking of anything new. In fact, what I was pondering on was something that's been on my mind for the longest time....

Why I do what I do.
Why other people do what they do.
How I won't do what I shouldn't do.
Why I give a damn in the first place.

No TG, if you're reading this, I won't be providing details. This is as far as I'll go.

Suffice to say that I was thinking of something. Suffice to say that, as always, I didn't arrive at any answer.

Which means I'll probably go back to thinking about those things yet again.

"Its a damn cold night trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are, but I...I'm with you."

- I'm With You (Avril Lavigne)

I can't get the song out of my head...not that I wan't to. I'm not a big fan of Avril because, well I don't like the image she projects...so young and so angry. I'm like, what the hell are you angry about? If you're that angsty at THAT age, give it a few more years and see what you'll become.

But anyway, I like the song.

I originally thought of the title, "The Happy Phantom" because, well, at the time, I couldn't get the song out of my head (by Tori Amos, in case you're unaware). Also, I was blissfully basking in the thought of being a phantom, unseen, unnoticed and not really making an impact on anyone. At the time, it seemed like a good idea and I didn't see anything wrong with that.

Lately however, I've been thinking...its tiring to be a phantom...and it's not anything I should be happy about either.