Thoughts on turning 31.

Perhaps I've claimed that my life has been eventful before, I don't really remember.  But this past year deserves to go into my personal history as one that has definitely changed my life.

I have lost a father and gained a husband
I have left my home country and am attempting to find out where I am to establish myself next,
I have moved from a habit of escaping into a habit of staying in
I have stopped being comfortable with routine and started impatiently waiting
and my relationships moved from being strong with presence into being solidified in absence.

I can make this day-after-birthday post into a rant about wanting the waiting to stop so that this new phase in my life can begin but I must not.  Instead, I will focus on being grateful for having family and friends who love and support me here and from miles away.

 I am blessed to have a family that have allowed me to be free and let me choose the path I will take.  They have not allowed fear to interfere with what I can accomplish and have even encouraged me when I first toyed with the idea of exploring lands beyond what we've always known as home.

I am blessed to have nieces and nephews who look to me as a parent, an aunt and (hopefully) a friend.

I am blessed to have friends who don't need me to tell them every single detail of my life, because they already know who I am deep down and they will support me and hold me up no matter where I may end up.

I am blessed to have new old friends who are willing to be my family now that that I am far from home.

I am blessed to have a partner who will extend love and support even through the distance, who accepts that I am not perfect, and that I will be weak and strong, independent and needy at the same time and that through it all, we will continue to work at our lives and ourselves.

I am blessed and for that, I am grateful.

Culinary Attempt # 2

I can't cook anything other than the basic stuff that I know, and I'm not an expert on tastes either. I've found that people who are particular about their food make great cooks (and vice versa maybe?). Since I can eat almost anything as long as its edible and the taste is not grossly off, I don't know what to do with spices and flavors hence I can't experiment with food.

So...when Allan insisted that I try out a recipe, I did so with a lot of apprehension. The main thing that convinced me was that the recipe was straightforward and simple. The only catch is that it was time consuming...

I made Afelia tonight using the recipe from this website. It took me all evening to make and I had to be content with a cheese sandwich for dinner instead (I was starving and couldn't wait for this to finish). I'm planning to bring it to work tomorrow and have the guys try it out. Not a food expert see, so I need other people's opinions. In any case, here's a shot a took of the finished product.

Let's see what the guys think tomorrow.

starting again.

It never fails. Everytime something changes, be it where I am or the state that I am in, I always find myself going back to the beginning. I always to have to pick up from where I think I left off. And its never easy. There are always roadblocks preventing me from keeping things going.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm becoming such a mess. Its harder to find the strength to be the best version of me. I don't know if its age or lack of motivation, but its harder to get going again. I keep thinking, I've done this before, why did things have to happen to make me start all over?

But I have to be honest. Most of the reasons why I had to step back was because of my decisions as well. I decided to move and therefore I must deal with starting from scratch. Its ironic really, that which actually gives me more room to move is also hindering me from getting things going. I'm trying, I really am....but I need help. I need my moral support to be much closer to me. I need my motivation to be much more tangible.

I need to get my act together. Life keeps on going while I sit confused and overwhelmed.