Looking Back....
But on my way home last night I did not feel as happy as I thought I was. I just had dinner with a friend and all throughout he seemed distracted by the text messages that he had to attend to since they were work-related. I didnt mind really. Its just with every pause in the conversation, I felt like I was in the way. That there's something he needs to do and somewhere he needs to be. I thought then, is this how it is now with all of my friends? Will I always be that other person, waiting for a break in between whatever it was they're doing so they can pay attention to me? Have I become that pesky friend who insists on being there when life and responsibilities are calling to them? More importantly, I think, am I happy to just shut up and wait patiently until they can turn their attention back to me?
I have no answer. I just know that I would like to be important as well. I'd like to be given as much thought and attention that I give them. I too, have other obligations, things I have to do, responsibilities that I have to attend to, but I am certain that I never have and I never will, let all those get in the way of my relationships with other people.
So does all this make me less happy? I refuse to believe that it does. If anything, it only means I am more prone to bouts of loneliness such as what I had last night.
A few weeks back someone asked me what I would change in my life if could. I had several answers in mind, but I realized that I wouldnt want to change any of them. Whatever problems I have, whatever shortcomings, they are a part of who I am and who I will be. Life becomes perfect with every imprefection that it has.
So my reply was 'none'. She said then that I'm lucky because I'm happy...and I thought, yeah, I am. Relatively.
But on my way home last night I did not feel as happy as I thought I was. I just had dinner with a friend and all throughout he seemed distracted by the text messages that he had to attend to since they were work-related. I didnt mind really. Its just with every pause in the conversation, I felt like I was in the way. That there's something he needs to do and somewhere he needs to be. I thought then, is this how it is now with all of my friends? Will I always be that other person, waiting for a break in between whatever it was they're doing so they can pay attention to me? Have I become that pesky friend who insists on being there when life and responsibilities are calling to them? More importantly, I think, am I happy to just shut up and wait patiently until they can turn their attention back to me?
I have no answer. I just know that I would like to be important as well. I'd like to be given as much thought and attention that I give them. I too, have other obligations, things I have to do, responsibilities that I have to attend to, but I am certain that I never have and I never will, let all those get in the way of my relationships with other people.
So does all this make me less happy? I refuse to believe that it does. If anything, it only means I am more prone to bouts of loneliness such as what I had last night.
1 comment:
Socs, dont feel less important to them... it's just that, they're comfortable with you to do that. Stay happy. :)
-jiLL
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