I'm an alien

(finally) a legal alien

I have the impression that the youngest in the family are usually the sweet, affectionate type. The one who sometimes literally "light

up" their parent's days.

Sometimes I wish that were me. I may be the youngest in the family but I know that I'm not the bubbly, sweet, affectionate one. I take

after my father in my being "distant" sort-of, standing on the sidelines, only there when they need me....

In moments when I realize that I am the only un-married child, that I am the one spending the most time with my parents, the one

beside them and with them when they're sick...I wish that I can make them laugh and smile the way my comic brother (if he's in the mood)

would. Or maybe at least be as caring and affectionate as my you-dont-have-to-worry-about-anything-I'll-handle-it (in terms of

housework and taking care of people) sister.

All I do really, is ... I dont know actually. I guess I make them proud because I have a good job, I'm a (relatively) good daughter, I help out

financially whenever I can and because I am independent.

But I can't make them smile. Nor can I make them laugh. And sometimes I feel that those are the things they need most.

I went blog-wandering and found myself reading this girl's (who I do not know by the way) thoughts. After a sentence or two I thought to myself.."this sounds like me" or at least, its how I used to be.
I envy those who can keep posting such personal things about them in such public places like blogs. I am always in danger of screening everything I write until I end up with the most incoherent, pointless piece of crappy, unorganized thoughts written down that I decide its better to delete them than attempt to post them.
I want to take back that part of me who thought about everything, who had an opinion or could formulate one about every single thing and would not hesitate to post them. Recently I realized that I have become so passive, so uncaring about things, choosing instead to sit back and do nothing.
I wonder, what made it all go away? And will I ever get it back?