Move.

When you stand still in one place for too long, you risk having weeds grow around you.  

That's really a terrible analogy, especially for me since I know nothing about gardening.  But what I really wanted to say was that I have moved blogs.  For a while now.  Allan and I are over at http://allanandsocs.wordpress.com

I had intended to write this post so that anyone who may have visited or still visit this site can be redirected accordingly, if they wanted to.  What I didn't expect was that I'd miss this blog.  I've had this for a while, and I'm glad its not going anywhere.  It's nice to look back and remember all the mix of stuff I've written over the years.

But everyone moves on...and since blogs are manifestations of ourselves, we project them on our blogs too and they too, must move on.  

So friends, if you find yourself here and you intended to look back, enjoy.  However, if you found yourself here looking for the latest, please head on over tohttp://allanandsocs.wordpress.com

Allan and I will be waiting to welcome you there :)

first shoot "out"

Last Saturday, I welcomed the even colder weather by going on my first ever field trip for the photography class I was taking.  I got my times all mixed up, and I arrived an hour later.  I thought, great, now I have to make up for it by taking less photos with better quality.  Having gone through the shots, I don't think I did so well.  I do have one or two that I liked, but overall, needs improvement.

Anyhow, sharing photos of the place, Balbriggan Harbour.  It was a nice venue for the shoot, I think.  It wasn't an enormous space that you'd not know where to start, but it had plenty of details of lots of subjects to shoot from.  Here are two that would give an idea of the setting:

Also, as it was a real working harbour, there were fishermen about.  Two of them actually wanted me to take their photos as they thought I was a tourist who was there to sightsee (close but not quite).  One of them kept saying "We're Irish fishermen!" before I took their photo.  Afterwards, the other one told me..."Have you ever asked yourself, what would you say to cheese when you're taking their photo?"  Errrmm...no, I haven't.

two years in Dublin!

A (half) pint of Guinness with the usual suspects on a Monday night to commemorate two years of living in Dublin. After holidays alone, an engagement, a funeral, two weddings, weight gain-loss-gain and several long haul flights, it was fitting to just sit, drink and look back.

Halloween 2010

Growing up, I was never exposed to the idea of dressing up as ghouls and goblins for Halloween.  In fact, I don't even remember when I actually learned and used the word "Halloween".  It was always just "All Saints Day" i.e.  school holiday.

After three nieces and two nephews, I've come to accept that my homeland has taken on this Western tradition as well.  I will admit though, it's not something I can easily join due to my lack of skills in arts and crafts and my imagination takes a while to kick in.  The best thing I can do is take part in some other way.

Yesterday I headed out to the Point Village Market and bought these halloween-inspired cupcakes.  I was in need of something to serve with coffee and these seemed like a good idea.

The main reason why I was there though, was because I stumbled upon Jane Shortall's website promoting their Halloween Flashmob.  Dancers in scary costumes dancing to Michael Jackson's Thriller was their way of introducing a new schedule of dance classes in a nearby studio.  I didn't get a good spot as parents, kids, weekend shoppers were already waiting for the show when I got there, but I do have this photo:

 

So cupcakes and watching dancers were the extent of my Halloween celebration.  Sweets and camera in tow, I headed back home for some coffee, cupcakes and X Factor (guilty!).

Sweeter the second time around?

Years ago I picked up an old film SLR camera at home and started trying my hand at photography.  For a time I was joined at the hip with that camera and even upgraded to the entry –level, then-groundbreaking Canon 300D. 

Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with the shutter button and I sold my little Buddy.  That was when I stopped taking photos.  It got so bad, that even after Allan bought and introduced me to Bear, my Canon 40D, I never really got back into the habit of shooting.

A UWA lens and 50mm lens later (both bought in an attempt to go back), I’ve finally found the courage to pay up and sign up for my first ever photography class at IOP.

 I had my first session last night, and it was heartwarming to know that most of the concepts he went through as an introduction were already familiar.  Like old friends that I’ve long lost touch with.  I know that it will take me a while to take decent photos again (yes, “again” because I think at one point, I finally got it) but if the excitement I felt last night and the eagerness is any indication, then this might actually be the wakeup call I’ve been waiting for.

something's brewing!

Its very likely that something's changing quite soon!  Clue:  it's life changing and exciting and scary at the same time....although I have to say, I'm more excited than scared.

Watch this space for future announcements!
(I hope I didn't jinx it by hinting)

Woohooo!!

My Easter Day.

Easter Mass

I went to mass earlier than usual today, knowing that the special Easter mass in the pro-cathedral was at 11am.  I was particularly looking forward to the Palestrina choir which I've read is supposedly very good.  What greeted me when I got to the church were little pink booties tied to the railings of the church and people with videocameras and protest signs.  There were protesters who were there to express grief and anger over the child abuse reports linked with the Catholic Church.  I've found an online news story for it as well:
http://breakingnews.ie/ireland/abuse-protest-at-easter-sunday-mass-452646.html

It did dampen my Easter spirits a little bit, especially when the ceremony was disrupted by a few minutes when someone walked in in the middle of mass.  However, I understand the anger.  I just hope that people realize that what happened were sins (and yes, crime) committed by another human being.  No one in the Church is perfect and anyone who claims to be has to be doubted.  I just wish that people stop abusing each other, verbally and by any other means (did you read about the churchgoer verbally abusing one of the protesters? And I take offense over the fact that I disgust someone because I go to mass --- I don't support child abuse and I am not doing so by practicing my faith. )

Easter Brunch

After mass I figured I might as well walk around a bit since I already was outside anyway.  A bit of exploring led me to one of the restaurants that I've read about which apparently serves a mean Brunch.  Odessa was just a few apartments away from the main street where we usually walk.  I was pleasantly surprised that their Brunch menu varies from vegetarian breakfast, to full on Bacon-Eggs-and-other-goodies.  I ordered something in the middle, a nice Smoked Salmon Eggs Benedict and of course, a cup of coffee.  The restaurant was packed with families and friends brunching together, along with some couples, but dining alone has never been a problem for me, so I didn't mind being alone and sitting in the middle of the far wall.

The price was a bit too steep for Eggs Benedict...but much much MUCH cheaper than Tavern on the Green in NYC and probably just as yummy.  Definitely a must-visit place again for me.

Window Shopping

A few blocks from where I ate was Grafton Street, Dublin's premiere shopping street.  Since most of the shops were closed, I had a small selection of stores to visit.  Brown Thomas was open and I've been telling myself that I should buy better quality clothes, specifically, better quality shoes.  I took the opportunity to see what was in this really high end, designer-laden department store's shoe section.  And then it happened....

I found myself drawn to a beautiful pair of shoes, the kind of I've only seen in magazines and websites, the kind that hollywood royalty wear to red carpet events.  It was a pair of Christian Louboutin peep toes.   Sleek, shiny and beautiful. I held up one shoe in my hand to examine, and I'm certain I must've looked like I was in awe.  I turned it and saw the price tag.  435 EUROS.  Strictly speaking, I could probably afford it.  And if I were serious about quality shoes, then this would be the most serious pair I can buy.  A pair of designer shoes were actually reachable.

But let's be honest.  That much money can probably feed an entire family for at least a week.  It just isn't right.  I've never been comfortable spending a lot of money shopping for myself, I don't think that will change soon.  Its just not...right.

So I put it back on the shelf and walked away....and glimpsed a section dedicated to Manolo Blahnik.  That was when I decided to leave and escape.  The shoes would be lovely, no doubt about that.  But I just can't surround myself with such beautiful expensive things and start to delude myself that it will be okay for me to own a pair.

Easter 2010 was the day I held something I've only seen on Sex and the City and realized I could. But its also the day I realized I can't.

Table for two, finally

So I flew to the US a few weeks ago not because of the lure of the land of milk and honey, but more importantly, to spend time with the other half.  Allan was spending St. Patrick's Day at Chicago and I flew in from Ireland (because I just had to have more than just one Paddy's Day celebration?).

 

It was the weekend when I took photos again and promised to keep at it. Chicago's architecture and the river dyed green gave me the perfect beginner-again practice shots.  Photos posted at my flickr site...but I have to say, this one's my favorite:

the only thing I do

...is work or workout.

There has to be something better than this.

slipping....

Its been a week and half since I started my workout, and I've only lost one pound.  Maybe its not realistic to see significant results after such a short period, but I'm definitely feeling the frustration.  I try hard every workout and I do my best...but these damn calories are so hard to shed!!

I know I must stay focused and not think negatively, but its not easy.  Its a struggle and I'm taking baby steps.  I need to amp it up more and I want to see decent results!  I read before that 2 pounds a week is a realistic goal...in that case, I'm not making much progress.

Housekeeping is a little bit easier, it only took half a day to get everything clean and in order, and so far I'm maintaining it.  I guess that's one positive thing...but I really would rather lose more weight than lose more dirt (at home) !

I must keep my focus...I must keep my focus.

*sigh*

Wedding Craze

I've just revisited Dale and Yeng's wedding blog and it made me even more excited to get things rolling for ours!  Dale and Yeng got engaged last December and their having their wedding at a resort I heard about 2 years ago...when it was still under construction.  Its fun reading about what they're going through and comparing it with what Allan and I have / are going through ourselves.  Makes me think that I'll miss planning a wedding when its all over ..but all the more reason to make sure we execute the ideas we like.  We only get one chance, and we have to make it right...without breaking the bank.

Other friends have also gotten engaged last December, Nobs and Tots, Marlon and Jackie, Joel and Tinay...is it me or are people suddenly getting married?!?  Yes, its probably also because we're at that age...but its just more heartwarming to think its because everyone's happy.

So to all my engaged friends, happy wedding planning!  Don't forget to send me your invites and I promise I'll do my best to attend (budget and time allowing) :)

Visit our wedding blog:  http://allanandsocs.blogspot.com/
Dale and Yeng's:  http://daleandyeng.blogspot.com/

Day 1 Complete.

I knew eating healthy and following this workout plan would not be easy.  Even then, I was not prepared to watch a group of extremely fit people showing you workout moves where they themselves look like they're having a hard time.  How was I supposed to do all of those??

90 Minutes of workout for 90 days.  If you've heard this before, then you know what I'm attempting to follow.  Before Day 1 I was excited to lose weight.  Now, well, I'm more apprehensive.  I don't know if I can keep doing this everyday for the next three months....A few minutes ago I just told myself  "Day 1's over, now you have 89 days left".  Yes, that was me being motivational.

The diet plan on the other hand doesnt seem so bad food-wise.  I'm a little concerned with the amount of preparation required.  I've bought tools to make it all fun (new kitchen gadgets!)....but its definitely not Rachel Ray's 30 Minute Meals.

Day 1 down, 89 more days to go!

exciting times ahead!

This year I will be embarking on several mini projects.  I will stop making excuses and will focus on making things happen.  Not that I have not achieved anything in my 31 years of existence...its just that this year, I want to have something tangible at the end of the year.  Something that everyone can see and acknowledge.  I don't make a habit of posting goals in public -- I suppose I've always been afraid that if I didn't achieve them, then people will be disappointed.  This year, I will make sure that I start and finish what I've told myself I would do.  So at the risk of embarassing myself, I am laying out my goals for the year, in no particular order:

1. Photo project. Those who know me also know that my hobby has become less of a hobby and more of a memory of something I used to do.  That stops this year.  I am putting Bear to good use and I will make Allan proud that he gave me such a wonderful gift.  At the end of the year, I will have something to compile and show family and friends.  
2. The "me" project.  Two years ago, I lost tons of weight.  How all of that happened and why it seems so easy now is still quite difficult to imagine.  This year, I will make it happen again, not just for health reasons but for *gasp* vanity as well.  I'm getting married and I will not pore over wedding photos and agonize about how I looked.  I will be thinner (note, "thinner" and not skinny, I am still being realistic anyway) and I will be absolutely perfect on my wedding day! 
3. Home Economics.  Budget and keeping house need to take priority.  I am a married woman now after all.  I must learn to cook decent, healthier, edible food.  Hand in hand with that would be organizing my grocery schedule and meal planning techniques.  Compared to the first two, this will be my biggest challenge I think.  See, even though I've been on my own for quite some time now, I don't always plan for myself.  I always just wing it and see where my mood takes me.  Well, that mood had better be "in the mood to cook/clean on a regular basis.  I will make my mom and my sister proud.
4. Bring back the music.  My playlist is full of old songs that I absolutely loved, but its time to learn more.  This year, I will find new artists to listen to and I will try and keep up with the new groups and new music that are springing up everywhere.
5. Power of the pen.  I love to blog, and I must make that more evident by bringing this blog back to life.  I did not start this blog years ago just to watch it distintegrate.  One blog entry a week at least!

So there.  Five things that I need to work on this year.  I know the list is not long, but what I lack in number, I will make up with in quality.  I'm throwing this out into the open and I'm hoping that going back to this list will help keep me motivated.

Happy 2010!

By the way, I write this after initial preparations for tomorrow's big day...I've laid the building blocks to tomorrow's diet and exercise routine --- Day 0 body measurements for the "Before" tally, and preps for tomorrow night's soup on the menu :)

thoughts on the past year

As I write this I am eating out by myself...it has been a while since I last dined out by myself. In fact, I can't even remember when the last time was. It must've been back in Manila because I don't remember eating out alone in Dublin.

This probably explains why I don't have decent blog entries. I think despite being alone, I haven't actually spent much time being by myself. Well, not the typical alone time that allows me to think and write.

So what has been happening to me in the past one year and (almost) one month? The obvious answer, I've lived in an apartment for one year, and I've moved out of that apartment into a new one. It's smaller and slightly cheaper but much nicer I think. It will be my home for the next year, after I which I'm pretty sure I'll be moving again...Allan and I would probably need more closet space.

Also an obvious answer, Allan and I are still in two different countries, despite the fact that we've gotten married. It was not easy last year and it's still not easy now. But we do what we have to do and we deal with the difficulties because, well, we have to.

The less obvious answer, and something that I've admitted to myself just now is that the past year has been struggling to force some sense of normalcy in my life. I've been trying to get a balance between working on weekdays and establishing a "life" for me here. I signed up for the gym in order to get me to do something other than work, but in the past month, that has blown up in my face. I've gotten frustrated over forcing myself to go. The fact that I tell myself to go makes me not want to go. I am a rebellious teenager rebelling against myself. In the past weeks though, I’ve been feeling a familiar restlessness come over me more and more. The “old” me who never stayed put on weekends is slowly making itself felt again. I hear that voice inside that says you should be out and about instead of moping around. I haven’t fully entertained that thought yet, but I think I will need to in the next year.

I guess that overall, while this past year has been extremely significant for me, it has put other pieces of my life on hold. I think most of the time I spent away from home, here in Dublin, seem like lost time. Nothing seemed to have happened, and I was functioning as though on auto pilot…..I want my life to start again.

one year later

One year ago today, I spent my first day in Dublin...and maybe a few more days before that, I may have written my last decent blog entry.  I've moved countries and lost the ability to blog.

Oh well, I think I'll post this photo instead (taken sometime January this year I think).

Welcome to Dublin!

Allan finally arrives in Dublin.  Not to stay, but only to visit for two weeks.  His first few days included struggling with recovery from the long flight and the shock of the soon-to-be-winter weather.  As a result, our first weekend was slow sightseeing-wise, but he's been to the shopping areas and have done some tours of the cities, so I think most of the important Dublin places are covered.

Photos are starting to pile up, but not as much as I had thought.  Tomorrow, we drive West though..and I expect thats when most shots will be taken.  For now, here's my favorite portrait:

Anticipation

Thoughts on turning 31.

Perhaps I've claimed that my life has been eventful before, I don't really remember.  But this past year deserves to go into my personal history as one that has definitely changed my life.

I have lost a father and gained a husband
I have left my home country and am attempting to find out where I am to establish myself next,
I have moved from a habit of escaping into a habit of staying in
I have stopped being comfortable with routine and started impatiently waiting
and my relationships moved from being strong with presence into being solidified in absence.

I can make this day-after-birthday post into a rant about wanting the waiting to stop so that this new phase in my life can begin but I must not.  Instead, I will focus on being grateful for having family and friends who love and support me here and from miles away.

 I am blessed to have a family that have allowed me to be free and let me choose the path I will take.  They have not allowed fear to interfere with what I can accomplish and have even encouraged me when I first toyed with the idea of exploring lands beyond what we've always known as home.

I am blessed to have nieces and nephews who look to me as a parent, an aunt and (hopefully) a friend.

I am blessed to have friends who don't need me to tell them every single detail of my life, because they already know who I am deep down and they will support me and hold me up no matter where I may end up.

I am blessed to have new old friends who are willing to be my family now that that I am far from home.

I am blessed to have a partner who will extend love and support even through the distance, who accepts that I am not perfect, and that I will be weak and strong, independent and needy at the same time and that through it all, we will continue to work at our lives and ourselves.

I am blessed and for that, I am grateful.

Culinary Attempt # 2

I can't cook anything other than the basic stuff that I know, and I'm not an expert on tastes either. I've found that people who are particular about their food make great cooks (and vice versa maybe?). Since I can eat almost anything as long as its edible and the taste is not grossly off, I don't know what to do with spices and flavors hence I can't experiment with food.

So...when Allan insisted that I try out a recipe, I did so with a lot of apprehension. The main thing that convinced me was that the recipe was straightforward and simple. The only catch is that it was time consuming...

I made Afelia tonight using the recipe from this website. It took me all evening to make and I had to be content with a cheese sandwich for dinner instead (I was starving and couldn't wait for this to finish). I'm planning to bring it to work tomorrow and have the guys try it out. Not a food expert see, so I need other people's opinions. In any case, here's a shot a took of the finished product.

Let's see what the guys think tomorrow.

starting again.

It never fails. Everytime something changes, be it where I am or the state that I am in, I always find myself going back to the beginning. I always to have to pick up from where I think I left off. And its never easy. There are always roadblocks preventing me from keeping things going.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm becoming such a mess. Its harder to find the strength to be the best version of me. I don't know if its age or lack of motivation, but its harder to get going again. I keep thinking, I've done this before, why did things have to happen to make me start all over?

But I have to be honest. Most of the reasons why I had to step back was because of my decisions as well. I decided to move and therefore I must deal with starting from scratch. Its ironic really, that which actually gives me more room to move is also hindering me from getting things going. I'm trying, I really am....but I need help. I need my moral support to be much closer to me. I need my motivation to be much more tangible.

I need to get my act together. Life keeps on going while I sit confused and overwhelmed.